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| Sapphira | Posted - 14 April 2003 18:40 PST    I posted earlier in the "Mario's children" thread that I wrote a fanfic. For now, I'll give the intro/summary (like what you'd read on the back of a book.) Give me your feedback, and if you guys like it, I'll start posting it in chapters (one per day). Note also that only 1/4th is revised and edited, so it'll be incomplete for now. BTW, this story and the character Melony are (c)by me. Here goes:
It seemed like a perfect evening in the Mushroom Kingdom. However, Bowser kidnapped the Princess, once again. But this time it was different—much different. Something happened—something terrible—which changed everyone’s lives—especially Peach’s—forever, seemingly overnight. As the Mushroom World is turned upside-down, and the famous heroes struggle to survive, a new hero arises after many long, hard years pass. Struggling through her hardships, eventually she discovers the truth of her identity. The hope of the future lies within her hands as she seeks to fulfill her destiny, with the help of several familiar faces. "Melony flipped the diary’s page. An old photograph fell out. Delicately she picked it up, her hands a little shaky. She looked at it carefully. It was of her mother—and another man. They were smiling lovingly, their eyes sparkling with joy and passion. Who was this other man? She carefully she turned the photograph over. A date was written on the back. It was almost 17 years ago! …Then she saw it… Her mother’s name and… Mario. …Who was this Mario…? Were they in love with each other…? If her mother loved this man… then why was her father someone else…?"
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| Black Mage | Posted - 14 April 2003 20:8 PST Well, I for one would like to read your story. It seems different from a lot of stories, as in that it's actually original. And while I haven't been exposed to a lot of your writing, from what I have read, it is apparent that you are good at writing. Hence, I encourage you to post your story, and even continue it, if it's incomplete. It looks interesting, expecially your new character, Melony, as you described her earlier. |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 14 April 2003 23:2 PST Umm... that sounds... wrong. What's implied in the story, I mean. Not Black Mage's post. Nevertheless, I'd like to know the rest of the story. You can be silent and let the world think you are a fool, or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt. Edited by - Chupperson Weird on 4/14/2003 11:03:55 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 15 April 2003 7:46 PST If what you inferred is what I think, it does seem wrong. Quite apalling, actually. However, this isn't a typical Mario story; it has a much more mature theme to it. In fact, I recommend anyone that is younger than 13 to not read it. This story is very, VERY emotionally intense and sort of apocolyptic (in the Mario universe anyway). Just don't let anything take you by surprise. Shoot. I can't post it right now, since I have to access the file on the old comp, and I'd have to turn it on. Actually, I'm not supposed to be on the comp right now--my parents password protected my account to keep me out. However, I deciphered the password, so I can sneek in. (I'm so bad.) :) I'll post it later today, when my dad leaves. -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 15 April 2003 12:4 PST Okay, it's ready. Uhh...I'm still not sure, though... I don't know how well-received it'll be... I still need more feedback. (In case you didn't notice, I'm very self-conscious about my works.) Oh, another thing, how do I get italics to work on the board? I kinda need it for the story. I could always compromise, but I'd prefer to use it. -------------------- |
| Black Mage | Posted - 15 April 2003 16:12 PST While I'm not one of those slick members who found ways to practice their HTML skills on this board, I think that you may, instead of flat out posting the story on the boards, want to upload it to a web-space provider. That way, you'd be saving yourself a headache. Of course, if you're deadset on posting it like that, then someone else will have to assist you. However, I stand by my earlier comments, I think you should post it. I'm sure it won't disappoint anyone who reads it. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 15 April 2003 19:54 PST Okay, I'll post it. Stuff in italics'll be in astriks (*). *Deep breath* Here goes. Umm...It's really long, BTW. Let me remind you again, some events may be disturbing and shocking--and rather mature-themed. It's sort of a tragedy/drama/sci-fi/fantasy. Now without further ado: -Part 1- “*And
a child of Good and Evil shall come to rise. Good will perish and Evil
will reign, but the child will destroy the Evil, and Good will prevail
once more.*” ------------------------ Dear Mario, As his mind processed the words, he exclaimed, “Wow! A letter from the Princess! She wants me to come over! …I gotta go! See ya, Bro.!” Mario rushed out of the house as Luigi rolled his eyes and sighed. ------------------------ ------------------------ “Oh,
hi, Mario!” Toad, one of the Royal Mushroom Retainers and close friend
to Princess Peach and Mario, headed toward him. “The Princess is
upstairs, in her private chambers right now. Go ahead, she’s waiting
for you.” He headed up the stairs and opened the door. The lovely princess stood gazing out the window, then slowly she turned as she heard the door creak open. “Hi, Mario! I’m so glad you made it.” Her voice was just as beautiful as she. “I made something for you.” She walked over to a nearby table and showed him a scrumptious delectable. “Here, it’s a strawberry cake.” “Wow, thank you, Peach. It looks delicious!” He glanced back up at her. “What’s the special occasion?” “Nothing, I just felt like making it for you.” She smiled and cut the cake, placing a slice each on two plates, one for each of them. He waited as she sat down on the velvety sofa, then sat down himself on a matching easy chair. “Mmm…this is so delicious!” He seemed slightly nervous. “Hey Peach, why don’t you meet me at Shooting Star Summit this evening? It’s very beautiful…” “I’d love to! How’s 8:00 sound?” she queried, her eyes sparkling. “Perfect! But I must go now. Thank you for the cake. See you tonight?” “I’ll see you,” she leaned over and kissed his cheek, his face starting to blush. “Bye!” ------------------------ “I hate this place. Why does Bowser always lock us up?” It was the voice of Wendy O. Koopa. “’Cuz he says we’re a bunch of no-good, lousy failures,” replied her brother Larry. Morton chimed in, “He’s the one stupid enough to think we can beat Mario.” “Hey! Shut up!” Wendy shouted, “You may have given in to that plumber, but I haven’t!” “He
beat you up, too!” Morton sneered. Wendy turned to a defensive position
and the two continued to argue. Larry was sick of their constant
bickering. ------------------------- Mario smiled. “Thank you for coming, Princess.” ------------------------ ------------------------ The
two quietly gathered up their things and headed back toward the castle,
which was close by. They walked side by side, the faint rustle of their
feet on the soft ground making the only sound. ------------------------ The
Copter landed and the princess was led out. Standing before the tied-up
girl was the atrocious form of Bowser, surrounded by several guards.
Some of them held her still. Bowser
exited the room as the frightened princess reluctantly followed. She
was led down the dark corridor when Bowser stopped abruptly and opened
a door. |
| Black Mage | Posted - 15 April 2003 20:24 PST Boy, this is probably the most I've been to this part of the forum in quite some time. Anyway, you sure weren't kidding, it is quite the serious story. However, I think that's why I like it. I was right about one thing, though, you are talented at writing. It's not often you find well organized stories around here. I really hope some people heed your warnings though, as I think some of these kids here shouldn't be reading some of this, that I do. But, It's good. I hope you continue to keep posting it, as the way I see it, the "worst", as in events in the story, is over. At least, what I can imagine. :-) |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 15 April 2003 23:38 PST My my. Yep, I guessed it. Anyway, it is quite well written, albiet much more ..."detailed," shall we say, than the Mario universe usually allows for... One criticism, however. It's obvious that Bowser doesn't truly love Peach, or else the last bit wouldn't have happened. In games like Paper Mario, it seems like Bowser does indeed love the Princess. Oh well. Continue, please. You can be silent and let the world think you are a fool, or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt. Edited by - Chupperson Weird on 4/15/2003 11:43:03 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 16 April 2003 10:4 PST Thank you; I'm glad you still want to read it. :) Oh, and Black Mage, we shall see if the worst is over. We certainly shall see. CW, critism noted. However, I'll explain later about it. -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 16 April 2003 13:39 PST Whoops! Sorry about that. I was gonna post the next chapter, but my dad came home! I almost got caught on the computer! *Phew* I'm glad I didn't! lol. Oh yeah, Part 1's called "A Tragic Fate." I forgot the name earlier. And now...
It
was morning, the sun already having been peeking out for a while. Mario
had just awoken, still lying in bed. Luigi, being an early riser, was
already up, fixing breakfast. He heard a knock on the door. ------------------------ ------------------------
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| Sapphira | Posted - 17 April 2003 7:11 PST I certainly hope I'm not posting this for no reason. (That was a correctly used double negative, btw.) Please tell me people are reading this... Anyway...
Three
weeks had passed. Already, Bowser’s Troops had completely taken over
the once beautiful Mushroom Kingdom. Cities were burned to the ground.
Lifeless bodies lay strewn about everywhere, covering the blood-stained
land. Those who were not slaughtered were captured and forced into
slavery. ------------------------
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| Black Mage | Posted - 17 April 2003 9:43 PST I assure you, I've been reading. So don't think no one is. However, I refrained from posting last time, as I felt I was cluttering up your topic. However, I do like your story so far, it's very interesting. Everything seems to be taking a darker light, but, that's what makes it interesting. Nice work, and hope you keep going. :-) |
| Sapphira | Posted - 17 April 2003 10:58 PST Well, thank you, I'm glad you like it so far. And I don't mind if it gets "cluttered". I actually prefer getting some feedback. BTW, just wait. The story will get darker. Muu hu ha ha ha ha!!! (Why do I keep laughing like that?!) -------------------- |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 17 April 2003 23:5 PST Because you're PURE EVIL. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Just joking. Anyway, yes, I'm reading, and it's quite good, although quite dark. But it's compelling as well. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 17 April 2003 23:28 PST Oh? I'm evil? What was that little BWAHAHAHA thing *YOU* just did then? Actually, I'm glad people are liking it. Yes it's...different... CH 4's still scheduled for tomorrow. -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/18/2003 7:45:24 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 April 2003 9:56 PST On to the next chapter... (This is were the sci-fi aura starts.)
Two
months had passed. Slowly Bowser had captured more lands, but luckily
most of the Mushroom World was still in tact. Dinosaur Land was still
holding strong, since it was isolated and Bowser was more concerned
with the mainland. Yoshi heard about the massacre, and he immediately
departed to search for his missing friends. Meanwhile, other Yoshis
helped harbor escapees of the conquered lands. Edited by - Sapphira on 4/18/2003 7:55:12 PM |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 18 April 2003 19:54 PST Wow. I mean, this may sound a bit odd seeing as how I've never posted a fanfic here... but your style is quite a bit similar to mine in writing! (I mean, by the sheer detail involved.) The glaring difference between me and you is that your writing is far more serious. (Well, this story, anyways.) I mean... I'm a lot more funny in a satirical point of view... and of course, I have to create my own original characters... I really can't use Mario or Luigi to their potential... But my major evil character ALWAYS has to be an original character. I love how deep this story is, and you have a real flair for writing. Excellent work! Keep it up! I give it a 4 Out of 10 so far! I mean, you almost inspired me to post a fanfic here... almost. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 April 2003 20:2 PST Wow! I had no idea! (On everything you just said.) *Grins bashfully* Actually, I've written a comedy fanfic before (Nintendo but Non-Mario), and it was kind of funny. (I STILL need to finish the very, VERY ending.) I've found my best style is intense drama, though. :) -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/18/2003 8:06:10 PM |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 18 April 2003 20:28 PST Sorry if I veer off-topic, but here's a snippet of my style. (I'll keep it short) Notice the vast amounts of real world referrences. Ignius is a brown Yoshi and Chiria is a pink Yoshi. Their personalities.... I'll let you find out for yourself. (Yes, I prefer the exotic-sounding names.) The
two snuck onto the ship. They really didn't know who owned the ship....
or where it was going, but they snuck on anyways. They explored the
main deck with caution, not knowing if anyone was coming. Suddenly,
Chiria saw something. Meanwhile,
in the inner depths of the ship, a man in a suit that looked
supiciously like Cap'n Crunch's, was playing Battleship against....
himself. Ignius
and Chiria continued to explore the ship. Actually, they just stood
there. They had explored everything. Suddenly, they heard footsteps.
The Admiral was coming. But it was too late. the Admiral had seen her. Wow, that was a LOT more than a snippet. I'll edit it out if it interferes too much with your story... Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. Edited by - Insane Steve on 4/18/2003 8:45:31 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 April 2003 20:36 PST ... ...Interesting... Aren't you the one who always has Billiards somehow incorporated into your stories? -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/18/2003 8:37:52 PM |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 18 April 2003 20:44 PST Yea, this one doesn't though. Bleh, it's only half done, though. That is, the beggining quarter and ending quarter is done. That's how I write. First, I Make a beginning, then my ending, and then the middle comes eventually. See, I've written one and a half FanFics. The other one was flooded with real world referrences. Even in that "short" section, There are referrences to a telephone and the game Battleship. Of course... my current story is quite complicated. There are 9-12 major good characters depending on how you look at it, and 6-10 major evil characters. You have to remember A LOT of details. It might be hard to follow. And yes... I guess I'll not swear. Although I'd have to edit the story big time for swears if I were to actually post it here... There's a LOT of explitives that would be filtered here. And I edited out the one swear I saw. One swear in 3 paragraphs is really sparce for me, actually. That's who I am. Interesting. I've known that for years. I mean, I rated your story in sumation notation! Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. Edited by - Insane Steve on 4/18/2003 8:46:39 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 April 2003 21:0 PST I wrote 'The Prophecy' last year, and it's the first fanfic I've ever 100% completed. The comedy (which is actually a spoof of 'Star Wars: Ep. 1' with the DK characters) I wrote summer '00, and I'm currently working on a new fanfic (which will be REEEEEEEEEEALLY, REEEEEEEEEALLY long when completed), which I started this past October. I've also attempted 2 others, but they were horrible (and I couldn't add anymore to the plot), so I scratched 'em. This current story actually has an interesting (maybe) background behind it, but I've gone enough off-topic for now. -------------------- |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 18 April 2003 21:58 PST I agree with Steve's assessment of the story so far. Good and detailed. I'm anxious to read more. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 April 2003 0:5 PST Since technically it IS the next day, I'm just gonna post CH 5 now.
The Mushroom people were furious. They could take it no longer. They would not be slaves to that malevolent beast. They would not let him hold their beloved princess captive. Rumors spread throughout the Koopa Empire that the slaves were planning to revolt. Bowser took to action immediately. Mario had been traveling for days. The once beautiful Mushroom Kingdom was a now just a large heap of crumbled ruins. Frequent tremors shook the earth, adding to the demolition. Mario looked around, shuddering that something like this could ever happen. The piping system was down, so it took him much longer than expected to reach his destination. Then
he spotted it; his hopes rose once again. Bowser’s massive castle
protruded above the grim skyline like a sore thumb. He was almost
there; his heart skipped as he thought about the princess. How
frightened she must have been. A dark figure appeared from behind a large curtain on a balcony above. A deep growl echoed throughout the air, and the crowd immediately silenced in terror. Two guards stood on either side of him as the gruesome Bowser scowled at the spectators below. “So
you think you have the right to rebel against the all-powerful Bowser?!
Pathetic fools!” he roared, “Be glad your lowly lives were spared.
Unless you want to join your puny friends!” The crowd grew tense. “We’ll never surrender to you, you tyrant!” one man shouted, “We’ll never betray Her Highness! Return the Princess!” The great multitude soon grew out of control, “Yeah! Give us back the Princess!” The crowd continued its shouting; Mario admired their loyalty and determination. Bowser scowled condescendingly. “So it’s Princess Peach you’re worried about,” he sneered, “Well perhaps you might want to know that she has betrayed *you*.” The people stood aghast. “She has joined my alliance without your petty consent.” The crowd grew into an uproar at this deplorable news. “That’s a lie!” one of the people shouted, “Of all people, she’d never agree to join your side! She’s pure and just and would do anything to overcome the likes of you!” The crowd shouted in agreement. “Oh really?” Bowser sneered, “Guards! Bring her here!” The crowd stiffened as a distraught Peach was led onto the balcony. A crude, dark blanket was wrapped around her, her eyes closed, and her head slumped to her shoulders. “Tell them, Princess,” Bowser continued softly, “Tell them how you’ve pledged your loyalty to the Koopa Empire.” The crowd gazed at her with deep melancholy. Mario’s heart sank as he saw the sorrow imprinted on his dear, sweet fiancée’s face. *How dare he do this to her!* he thought angrily. The princess lifted her head to the people. “He’s lying!” she pleaded, “Don’t listen to him! I’d never abandon you! Please…!” Mario fought to keep his composure upon hearing his love’s desperate cries, as his blood boiled with fury toward the evil Koopa king. Bowser interrupted her. “Why, Princess, you’ve forgotten what you’ve done—how you’ve even broken your moral standards to show your loyalty to me.” Peach’s face grew very pale. The crowd froze. “Allow me to show you your chaste princess.” As he spoke, Bowser grabbed the blanket draped around her and yanked it off of her. The crowd gasped in disbelief as they saw her protruding abdomen from her crude makeshift dress. Mario’s heart dropped. Peach slumped down and buried her face in her delicate hands. “There’s no denying it now,” Bowser scoffed. “Guards! Take her away!” Bowser growled, cutting off the despaired girl’s cries. She screamed as she was carried off behind the balcony curtain. “Anyone still wanna rebel? I suggest you follow your dear princess’s example and pledge loyalty to the Empire.” The detestable monster laughed menacingly as he exited behind the curtain. The spectators where too shocked to move. And Mario—his fiancée, his one true love, was pregnant—and with the child of his arch-nemesis. His soul was crushed beyond repair as he walked desolately back to the Mushroom Kingdom. And it began to rain. Edited by - Sapphira on 4/19/2003 12:13:20 AM |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 19 April 2003 13:2 PST The major difference between your story and all the other excellent fanfics I've seen thus far is that in most fanfics, I can sort of predict what is going to happen. Here, I don't even know HOW you'd continue this. Amazing. And the one problem with my writing style that I'd LIKE to fix but don't know how is that I complicate things too much. Like in my current story. I think there's something like 25 characters. All original, too. You wouldn't know what's going on even if you read it. Your story thus far has the perfect blend of complications, and yet it is simple enough to be understood by almost everyone. And that is why I like it so much. And there is the occasional bit of humor, too. ("And it started to rain." Heh.) I don't want this post too long.... it would interrupt the flow of your story. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 April 2003 14:3 PST The thing that I've learned to make a more complex plot that's not too confusing is to have about 5 or 6 main characters max to focus on from their point of view. Also incorporate a bunch of minor characters that are vital to the story and are occasionally featured (and kind of link the different plots together.) I find it better than just focusing on one protagonist--it adds more depth. And if there are too many main characters (like 25), then everyone will get really lost. (Also, when switching between one's point of view, separate it somehow (i.e: --------). Although now it seems to feature mostly Peach, Bowser and Mario, I assure you, more will be there later. Hmm...sounds like I'm giving an editorial about "how to write a great story." Hehehe :) -------------------- |
| Hirocon | Posted - 19 April 2003 20:33 PST --I--AM--STUNNED-- |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 19 April 2003 22:53 PST You know, I really don't know how I can keep reading this. But it's excellent, and I guess that's why. |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 20 April 2003 17:10 PST Hmmmmm, let's see what I've learned for my next fanfic (Which may occur in... 4 months?) 1: Not so many characters. Actually, I almost came up with a plot for a full, 5 or 6 chapter story in less than a day. I'll finish my current work first, though. Still, despite the main theme of your story thus far, your natural talent causes it to work perfectly. I love your writings. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Jman | Posted - 20 April 2003 18:33 PST Yes, I have also been at work on a fanfic. It is a fanfic based on the NES game, Kirby's Adventure and its remake, Nightmare in Dreamland. The plot is the same as the game, but I added a twist or 2 or 3. Such as the appearence of the Mario characters as Dark Matter teams up with Bowser. A super fanfic about the the pink puffball is in the works! Mario Madness will live forever! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 20 April 2003 21:41 PST Hey! Sweet! I've gotten more readers! :) Sorry I didn't post the next chapter today. Parents took away electronics from me. (I won't say WHY...) Anyway, I was gonna wait 'til Monday besides the fact, in respect for Easter. But since it IS Monday now (my time), here's CH 6:
Twink had been searching long and hard to find Mario, but his hopes were growing thin. He was racking his brain out, trying to think of where he could be. As he flew over the ruins of Toad Town, it finally occurred to him that Mario could be in the Princess’s Castle. Twink shuddered at how such a once lovely palace had transformed into a crumbling landmark. It was easy to get in; the beautiful doors were now just a heap of rubble, and much of the exterior had disintegrated. Twink tried searching all the castle’s rooms, but most were blocked with wreckage, including the princess’s bedroom. All seemed hopeless, until he remembered the secret passage Peach had showed him when he first met her. Trying to figure out his whereabouts, Twink discovered that the room with the passage was not blocked. Slowly, he flew through the dark, silent passageway and emerged at the princess’s unlit fireplace in her bedroom. The lights were off, but there was enough light in order to see, since it was the middle of the grim day. But then Twink heard a noise—it was very faint, yet it was a distinguishable rustling sound. “Hello…?” the young Star asked timidly, “Is anyone there?” He sensed the presence of another life as the rustling noise grew louder. “Someone please help me!” It was the cry of a desperate voice. Twink looked around the dim room frantically, trying to find where the voice was coming from. “Where are you?” “Oh my gosh! Are you all right?!” Twink gasped. Going through the secret passage again, Twink eventually made his way to the castle’s basement floor. He stopped as he saw the red-clad hero slumped in a corner, sobbing while looking at a photograph of the princess and him together. Slowly, Twink approached. “Mario! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he said excitedly, “C’mon! Let’s go!” Slowly, Mario got up and followed the Star Kid back through the way to the princess’s bedroom. He had never known that she had a secret passage to her room before. Toad heard them enter. “Mario!” he cried happily, “I knew you’d come! Hurry, get this thing off me!” With ease, the plumber lifted the heavy bookcase off the head Mushroom Retainer. “Are you okay?” Mario asked, helping him up.
Mario still stared silently at the ground, agitated. Toad turned to
him. “Mario, did you hear this? This can’t be!” Suddenly he thought of
something, but before he could suppress it, the words were already out,
“Mario…? You didn’t!?” Toad gasped, “No, no…! It can’t be true…” “If that were true, then why has she been sleeping with the enemy?!” he retorted, “Literally *and* figuratively! I heard them! She’s formed an alliance with him…!” “Is that what you think…?” Twink was taken aback. “Mario, you know she, of all people, would never do such a thing!” “Mario…she
would never do that,” Twink stated, “You, and you too, Toad, know her
heart better than anyone else in this world…” Mario stared back at the
floor. “Listen!
Bowser raped her!” Twink cried. Mario stared at him. “Look, she never
wanted anything like this to ever happen! Please, don’t condemn her for
something that wasn’t her fault!” “Mario,”
Twink spoke softly, “She told me that she would like you to be the
father…” The plumber stared at the Star Kid in dismay. Edited by - Sapphira on 5/16/2003 9:12:11 PM |
| Black Mage | Posted - 20 April 2003 22:8 PST Ah, it seems you did post today after all, rather, close to today, er.. yesterday. Anyway, when it was posted doesn't matter, I'm just glad you did. I can't really find much to say that the others haven't touched on, but you did a fantasic job writing this, and I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting. Thank you, for giving us a chance to read it. |
| Screech | Posted - 20 April 2003 22:31 PST shudder...You are a really good writer. I didn't get very far though. I just can't read stuff like this very long. Very serious. I guess I qualify as one of the "kids" who shouldn't read it. The world would be a much cleaner place if people would eat their own trash. |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 21 April 2003 19:58 PST It's still magnificent. I mean, You've actually inspired me to take a semi-serious approach on Fanfic #3 (tentative title) -- and maybe post it because it makes sense. (That's a somewhat big maybe. I'm also very self-concsious.) I mean, to explain it with a late-night metaphor, You took the undiluted, overly corrosive satirical style I usually use and diluted it for safe usage... that is, so it doesn't burn a hole through everything it touches. (Gotta love late-night metaphors!) Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 April 2003 20:9 PST Lol. Hey, I was just about to post the next chapter. Black Mage, I think you're my biggest fan. :)
One long month had passed. Slowly, Bowser’s vast militia had been taking over the Mushroom World, resulting in many more casualties of innocent people. Over one-fifth of the land was now dominated by the Koopa King, and thousands were suffering. Luckily Mario and Toad were alive, but still the others were unaccounted for. But no one, not even Princess Peach, knew if they were safe, or even where they were, for Twink had not yet returned to tell her. The princess, still being held at Bowser’s Castle, anxiously awaited for Mario, her knight in shining armor, to come. But secretly her hopes were wearing thin. The baby was due any day now, and slowly Peach had been ticking the days away, resenting Bowser more and more. It was late morning, and one of Bowser’s servants was sent to give the princess her meal. Cautiously, he entered the room. “I’ll just leave it here, on this table.” The servant slowly set down the tray. “Thank you,” she replied. Then a sharp pain surged through her body. “…Aahh…!” she winced, “What was that?! “Are you all right?” the servant asked concernedly. “I think so…” she wavered, but another twinge shot through her. “Aahh…! There it is again! It’s the baby…!” She cringed and held her abdomen in agony. The servant was absolutely terrified. “…I’ll go get help…!” he stammered. The nervous Koopa darted off, leaving the princess by herself, breathing heavily with the stinging pains. Soon Kamek entered the room. “Is everything all right?” he inquired. “Does it look like it?!” she snapped. The pain was overwhelmingly unbearable. “Aahh… Help me!” Using his magic wand, a glowing light surrounded them both as they were teleported to the Medical Area. ------------------------ ------------------------ “Congratulations, Sir,” Kamek stated, “You have a healthy baby girl.” Bowser slowly walked over to the Princess’s bedside and smiled at the small, fragile creature. “She’s adorable…” he awed, “Peach, may I see her…?” The princess suddenly realized that he was standing next to her. “No! You get away from her!” she shouted. “Come now, beautiful,” he spoke softly, “I asked very nicely…” “I said get away from her!” she recoiled. “Now don’t make me force you…” Knowing she would not give in, Bowser slowly leaned over to the child. Peach jumped back, the infant held securely in her arms. “You stay the heck away from my daughter!” she screamed, “How dare you… You’re a monster! This poor child has a disgrace of a father!” The anger boiled inside her. “I don’t wanna ever see your face again!” Quickly, the princess tried to escape to her room, but a fierce pain shot through her side. “Aahh…!” she flinched and fell to her knees, carefully holding the baby. “Peach! You’re in no condition to do this!” Bowser shouted, “Now hand the infant over to me!” “Never!” she screamed with anger. But the pain continued to pierce though her. The princess writhed in agony. “What’s wrong…?!” she trembled. Amidst her pain, Bowser grabbed the child from her arms. “My baby!” she shrieked as she futilely reached for her little girl. Kamek gently pushed her back down on the hospital bed. “Lie down,” he ordered, and reluctantly she obeyed, “You’re bleeding internally…” The princess looked at him with terrified eyes. “Am I going to…die?” she quavered. Peach glanced over to the little girl in the crib. “…What about my daughter…?” she asked concernedly.
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| Sapphira | Posted - 21 April 2003 20:9 PST Double post -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/21/2003 9:18:11 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 22 April 2003 21:50 PST On to the next chapter...
Mario and Toad walked about the Princess’s Castle, progressively cleaning up the wreckage. Slowly, they managed to start building a shelter, to protect them from the Koopa army and also from the frequent tremors. Their world was no longer a safe haven. While working, the Mushroom Retainer broke the silence. “Mario?” he asked slowly, “What’s up with you…? You seem…different somehow…” The plumber looked up from his work. “Are you sure? ’Cuz ever since she left, it seems like you’ve been really depressed.” Toad then quickly averted his eyes to the crumbling tile floor, “I mean, I know you set off to rescue her but… what happened? Especially after you came back, you’ve been moping around a lot. I know something’s up…” Mario sighed. “You’re right…” “I…I know she would never abandon us… But…it’s just so hard to imagine that…that…” He shook his head in disgust. “That she and…and *Bowser*… A *child*…? Ughh! It just sickens me that he would do such a thing…!” “I know…I know…” Toad agreed. Mario looked back at him. “I know, I know,” he shook his head in dismay. Suddenly, he felt something; it was a strange intuition, “Wait a second… Something’s terribly wrong…! I can feel her…” he struggled, “Peach! The baby! No…! Peach is…is dying…!” Mario collapsed, falling on his knees and shaking. “Mario…!” Toad shrieked. “Wait…! There’s something else…” Mario closed his eyes, trying to focus. “I don’t know what it is…but for some reason…something seems like…like it’s been…fulfilled…” Toad looked at him confusedly. “Mario…what do you mean…?” ------------------------ “Twink!” she shrieked happily, “Hang on…” Slowly, the princess rolled over and forced herself off the bed while she winced. “Oww… I’m coming…” Although painful, she managed to make it to the door and opened it for the little Star. “Princess! Are you all right…?” he asked, noticing she was in pain. “Here, lie back down…” He led her back to her bed, and she flinched as she obeyed. “Oh Twink…!” she managed, “You came back!” Her face slowly dimmed. “Where have you been…?” “Well…I found Toad…” he stalled, avoiding a direct answer. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell her of Mario’s tentative reaction. “Oh, is he all right…?” A hopeful look gleamed in her eyes. “Oh…good,”
she sighed in relief, “Was Mario there? Did you tell him?” Twink looked
at her compassionately. He couldn’t hurt her—she had been through
enough anguish already. “I hope he’s okay… Oh, Mario…” she wavered. A sharp pain tingled up her spine. “Aahh! Oww…!” ------------------------ “Oh…Peach… I’m so sorry… How can you ever forgive me…?” He paused sadly as if she would respond. “…Don’t worry… I’ll care for our child more than anything in this world…aside from you…” Slowly, the princess awoke, opening her crystal blue eyes. Immediately, she saw her one greatest fear and torment, and she shrieked in terror. “Bowser! What are you doing here…?!” Bowser
gently pushed her back down. “Peach! Please, calm down… You’re only
hurting yourself…” The princess turned away. “Melony…is fine,” he
continued, “I can’t return her to you…not yet… I’m sorry…” Edited by - Sapphira on 4/22/2003 10:38:42 PM |
| Black Mage | Posted - 22 April 2003 22:7 PST It's comming along very well. As I've been giving you plenty of praise, I also have been looking for something to criticize, yet, I've found nothing. I'll keep looking though. ;-) Anyway, I find that I personally like the scenes concerning Mario and his feelings. While the story has been largely about Peach, and with good reason, I like reading how Mario is taking in everything. Although, it makes me wonder what significance the Koopa Kids had in the earlier part of the story, I guess I'll just have to wait and see. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 22 April 2003 22:23 PST And that you shall. ;) (That is, if I finish editing and revising the rest of the story.) I've started Part 2, BTW, but just barely. I too like, particularly, the scenes w/ Mario's feelings. So far, I think CH 5's my favorite. I actually added that scene after the story was completed. (Although I had to change a few things b/c of it.) -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/22/2003 10:42:48 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 23 April 2003 20:1 PST I decided to alter a bit of CH 10, so until I finish the changes, this'll be the last Chapter. (Remember, there's still 3/4ths of the story left, plus a couple more in Part 1 after this one.) Now, my last update for a while...
Four long years had slowly passed. Princess Peach was scarcely a ghost, her condition growing worse by each following day. Now very weak and completely bedridden, her longing hope that Mario would come was the only thing struggling to keep her alive. She prayed every day that he would hurry. Melony lived a somewhat average life, aside from the fact that a devastating war was taking place. The only person she could latch on to was her father, the only one she knew who cared about her. On occasion she was allowed to visit her mother, but for the most part she never got to really know her. Melony loved her mother very much, but she could only picture her as a forlorn, dying woman. Nearly half the Mushroom World was now conquered by the atrocious King Bowser, including much of Dinosaur Land. They had put up a persistent battle, but the Koopa army eventually defeated them. Luckily, Yoshi’s Island was still safe; since it was a remote island, it was one of the hardest places to attack. Slowly,
Mario and Toad had set out to rescue the princess. It was a very long,
harsh journey—way worse than it could have ever possibly been in the
past. The blood-filled land was charred and crumbling, while the
frequent tremors of the earth only added to the vast demolition. “Oh… It’s no use…” a terrified voice cried, “We’re never gonna get out…” A frightened Princess Daisy clung to a nearby cave wall, making sure she was near to Luigi. Daisy made a slight huff. “Yes, but neither can anyone find us to help us…! Are you crazy…? We can’t stay here! We’ll die…” She sighed miserably. “Oh…Luigi…” Her head drooped, and she shook it in despair. The green-clad hero placed a comforting hand on her arm. “Don’t
worry, we’ll be fine. Just…hang on…” Driven by some sudden impulse,
Luigi ran toward the sealed opening and lunged at it with all his
might. But it only trapped them in further. Another tremor shook the
earth, causing more rocks and dust to fall. Although normally a very
rational person, he started to panic. “…Daisy… Before we die, there’s something I need to tell you…” A faint rustle of rocks was heard. Suddenly, a light emanated in from above, as a voice echoed throughout the dim cave. ------------------------ For the most part, she got along fine with her older brothers, the Koopalings, only occasionally bothering them, as little sisters often do. Her sister Wendy, however, made it very clear that she hated Melony, constantly yelling and resenting her. It didn’t help any that she was forced to share her room with her baby half-sister, who was now a curious preschooler while she was an overreacting teenager. “Melony!!
Give that back!” Wendy shrieked. The child held a gorgeous magic wand
in her small hands, her eyes transfixed on the stunning sapphire-like
jewel at the tip. “Daddy! Wendy’s being—” but she cut herself off as she noticed Bowser was not there. “Daddy…?” “Mommy, are you okay…?” she asked sadly, “Daddy says you’re getting worse…” The
princess gently stroked her daughter’s soft cheek. “Oh… Honey… it’s
gonna be okay…” she said weakly. Melony climbed onto the bed to be near
her mother. Melony
wiped her nose and sniffed. “Are you sure…?” she asked hopefully, her
lip quivering. Peach swallowed the large lump engulfing in her throat
and the depths of her heart as she watched her daughter’s seeking eyes. |
| Jman | Posted - 24 April 2003 16:10 PST Man, that is such a good story. I mean, it has seriousness, and heart. And there's still 3/4 left? Man, I can't wait to see how the Mario Bros. fare in this one. This should be in the fan fiction library! The big question, will Peach live to see Mario one more time? Mario Madness will live forever! |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 24 April 2003 19:44 PST ... You're only 1/4 done? Wow. I mean, the length of the story you've typed thus far is about the same as the length of one of my COMPLETE stories. This one is looooooooong. But I really like it, so... (And I've actually laughed so much reading this. Not the intended reaction, I'm sure, but... I think it's kind of funny at times. Of course, those times aren't supposed to be funny.) Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 24 April 2003 21:47 PST *Looks at Steve strangely* ...O-kaaay... What's funny about it...? Anyway, I said earlier that it was reeeeally long. It's actually novel-length. Let's see...it's 110 pages written, 55 front and back (college rule). And also, it's written in play-like format, so mostly it's only dialouge--the descriptive paragraphs REALLY shortened. Oh, I also told CW I would explain about what happened in CH 1. Bowser loves the princess, yes; it's fairly obvious such as in PM. However, remember that Bowser is evil. He knows not how to love--only to hate. Peach is the only person he's felt love for, but since he's evil, that love is distorted, for he cannot comprehend what love truly is. What he thinks is an act of love is actaully an act of violence. And thus, this is how the terrible downward spiral began. -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/24/2003 9:49:18 PM |
| Hirocon | Posted - 24 April 2003 22:9 PST Hey Sapphira! I've been following this story closely and I think it is awesome. I have not yet commented on it, because I have something negative to say, and I didn't want to be the first person to give negative criticism. I know that it takes a lot of guts to post something like this, even anonymously, and I admire you for it. But here is my criticism... At times, I think that this story is TOO serious. This would not be a problem if you had held back on the serious issues for a couple of chapters to gradually develop the characters. But when an issue such as rape is discussed over a character that has never received any serious development in any of the Mario lore (you can blame Nintendo for this), it sounds somewhat cheesy and awkward. However, now that you are deep into the story, this is not a problem. This may seem random,but I particularly liked the confrontation between Bowser and Peach immediately after Melony's birth. I found it touching that Boswer passively accepted Peach's assertion that the child was named Melony. Some might interperet this as apathy on Bowser's part, but I interpereted it to mean that Bowser realized the emotional termoil Peach was going through, and sought to passify her even at the expense of the chance to name his own child. I also liked the dialogue between Melony and Lemmy, in which Lemmy calls Melony "shorty." I'm not sure why. It just struck a chord with me. Keep up the good work! Edited by - Hirocon on 4/24/2003 10:12:02 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 24 April 2003 23:10 PST Yeah, that 1st chapter was the most...off. But after that, the rest fit together, like you said. Hmm...I never really thought about that scene in that way, but maybe subconsciously I did, or something. Anyway, I goes to show you Bowser really does love the princess, even though it is somewhat distorted. The scene with Melony and Lemmy I thought was kind of cute, kind of shining a lighter aspect of the story admist this terrible, dark ordeal. I'm glad so far everyone seems to like it, besides the fact that it's a bit...controversial. Anyway, critizism and compliments are welcomed alike. I won't take personal offense to it. I'll try to finish the alterations on CH 10 as soon as I can, so I can post the rest of Part 1.
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| Insane Steve | Posted - 25 April 2003 13:33 PST "*Looks at Steve strangely* ...O-kaaay... What's funny about it...?" To understand how I can even begin to find this funny, you have to understand my life thus far. As a little child, everyone insulted me for no apparent reason. In 2nd grade, my teacher HATED me. My mind became twisted. My life was ruined forever before I even turned 9. *Come to think of it... that might be an idea for the 4th story I write. That's for another thread, though.* Thus, seeing the way I was treated, I can find humor in the oddest places. One of the oddest is in a truly dire situation, where someone is being abused badly. And I've always hated the princess, so when I read this, I find it funny in a sadistic sort of way. And it is because the controversial issue is brought about in such an eloquent (Word usage.... hmmmm, that's not really the word I want. Ah well) manner that I am so compelled to read it. I can't wait for the other ... 75%. (Wow.) PS: Well off topic, but I finally got a title for my 3rd fanfic. I am seriously calling it "The Third Attempt"... but not for the obvious reason. There's a point in the story... well, I'll post it.... eventually. That is, when I can get the bile to do so... Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Bluto | Posted - 25 April 2003 21:59 PST WOW. This story is pretty intense and pretty gritty( that rhymed, tee hee) which I think is a welcome change from Mario's younger audience theme. I myself have a story in the works but am aprehensive to post it because it is not complete and I am self concious about my writings. Sorry, but I tend to ramble sometimes, so my point is: Your story is great and I can't wait to read the rest of it! I''m not lazy, I''m just... uh... |
| Sapphira | Posted - 25 April 2003 23:6 PST Guess what, everybody? I *just* finished the changes to CH 10, and, actually, I decided to break it down into two separate chapters. I still need to finish the alterations to the rest of Part 1, but consider this a special treat! :) Chapter 10: Final Farewell The heartbreaking morning was finally gone and already the gloomy afternoon was heading toward its end. A faint tapping was heard from the balcony, and slowly the elegant glass doors were unlocked and opened. “Twink…!” Princess Peach exclaimed, awaking from her weary dreams, “You finally came back…!” Peach smiled ardently. “That’s wonderful…!” Her face suddenly became very sullen. “But…it’s too late…” “…Tell
him…to never give up hope…and that the prophecy has been fulfilled…”
She began to quiver, the tears struggling to stay within her utmost
being. She suddenly began coughing violently, heaving between each gasp for precious air. It felt as though her insides were being forced up through her throat. There was a slight taste of blood and mucus in her mouth. “Peach! Are you okay?!” Twink shrieked. She rubbed her temples; it was so hard to concentrate. “‘…A child…of Good and Evil shall come to rise… Good will perish… and Evil will reign…” She closed her eyes trying hard to remember. “…But…but the child will destroy the Evil…and Good will prevail once more…’” “…I…I don’t understand…” “Twink…listen to me…” she pleaded, “It’s already too late… This was my destiny…” ------------------------ Toad instinctively placed out his hand to feel the raindrops. “Oh no… Not another storm…” “Well, come on then, we have to hurry…” “Mario…!” Toad screamed in terror, “Are you okay?! What’s wrong…?!” Mario soon landed on the balcony, carefully avoiding being spotted. He peered through the glass French doors and frantically scanned the elegant, dim room. He gasped. Peach was lying in her bed, helpless, frail, and terribly pallid. Overwhelmed by seeing her and in such weakness and frailty, the plumber frantically pushed on the golden door handle. It was locked. Mario screamed her name, hopelessly banging on the doors. His heart pounded rapidly. He couldn’t get in! What would he do? Desperately he pushed the handle down one last time, beads of sweat forming on his brow. The doors swung open. Quickly
he rushed over to the princess’s bedside. Mario placed a hand to her
soft face and frantically searched her closed eyes for a sign of life. Mario touched her fragile hand. “Shh…Everything will be fine, everything will be fine… We need to get you out of here…” Slowly he leaned over and very gently held her up. Peach blinked warily, barely able to move on her own accord. Mario felt a terrible lump starting to form in the back his throat. “I
held out…for you…” she quavered weakly. Mario struggled to force down
the growing overwhelming lump. His voice was about to break. “Peach…”
He felt her body go limp as he held her in his arms. He shook her,
tears now streaming down his once emotionally strong face. “Peach…” -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 4/30/2003 1:33:06 PM |
| Dairy King | Posted - 25 April 2003 23:44 PST sniffle.... I hope you thought of some way to revive her, you heartless monster!! (Just kidding!) Man, this has got to be one of the best stories I've ever read.(besides "Onion John", and "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie") I like your style of writing.. It's... how you say.... Creepy... almost. Since everyone is revealing plans for fan fic, I may as well reveal mine. Legend of Zelda meets Super Mario type story. I give you the basic plot. Gannondorf fuses LOZ universe with TMK. Cool, huh? I thought having like Ganno-Bowser, and the Combined Warrior(Mario and Link. Duh.) THey gotta destroy and reseal passageway between the dimensions. Think of how cool the monsters would be! A Boo and Poe could combine and form a ...snicker snicker.... Poo!! Ha ha ha ha ha! But seriously, thats my idea, and don't anybody steal it! CONGRATULATIONS! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 26 April 2003 10:5 PST Heheh..."Poo." WOW. I'm SHOCKED and AMAZED! I had no idea how good my story was! You actually would rate it as one of the BEST?--up there with PROFESSIONAL authors?! *Blushes and grins ear-to-ear* Thank you! ^_^ Wow, I can't believe I'm actually inspiring others to write/finish their own fanfics! Hopefully you guys'll post 'em someday! :) (Sweet! 50th post!) :) Edited by - Sapphira on 4/26/2003 10:06:56 AM |
| Bluto | Posted - 26 April 2003 12:23 PST Like you were saying, you have inspired people to finish there fanfics. Mine is intitled "The Hero's Blood". It also has a darker theme to it but I don't know how well it will be recieved. "When all the light has faded, and all hope seems lost, a single glimmer of hope shines through the darkness, and a hero shall emerge." that is the little teaser that I use at the beginning. Sorry, I am going off topic. Can't wait to read the rest. I''m not lazy, I''m just... uh... |
| Sapphira | Posted - 26 April 2003 12:30 PST Wow, that sounds almost like mine! (With the darker aspect and emerging hero in hopeless times.) :) I said that exact same thing, too--"I don't know how well it'll be recieved..." Post it! I'll read it, I assure you. :) -------------------- |
| Dairy King | Posted - 26 April 2003 13:18 PST Oh, yes... He he.. Only I know(besides Bluto) what that storys about... Ha ha.. I wanted to do a sort of DBZ theme-ish thing with my fan-fic.. Sorta serious, yet with humor sprinkled over top.. Just think.. Mario.. in a tunic!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! |
| Dairy King | Posted - 26 April 2003 13:19 PST Oh, by the way, you have inspired me to start the actual writing process!! Edited by - Dairy King on 4/26/2003 1:24:12 PM |
| Dairy King | Posted - 26 April 2003 13:19 PST ...And I triple posted. Sorry to clutter up your topic. Edited by - Dairy King on 4/26/2003 1:34:02 PM |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 26 April 2003 14:58 PST Yes.... I honestly don't see how anyone can compare this story to "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie"... that is, unless that cookie is laced with cyanide or something... Seriously, you've inspired more people than you think. I've almost finished my 3rd story. I still don't know if I want to post it.... and if I do, I will wait until you are done with this one. Anyways, 2 other reasons I am trying to write again: 2: I took this "What style of writing do you have?" quiz. After taking it... it told that I "wasn't a writer". I'll prove it wrong. 3: Ok, let's say I'm not a writer. And I KNOW I'm not an artist. So what am I? That's right, unartistic. And what happens to unartistic people? They become drug addicts! I seriously do NOT want to die homeless and starving at the age of 25 (Even though I doubt I'll live to be 25 anyways, in todays world) because I'm spending all my money on drugs due to my lack of artistic talent. And thus, I'm trying to perfect my writing skill in an attempt to gain SOME artistic ability, and also to not wind up a stoner. Yep, that's how I think. Imagine a story written in MY style of thinking, and imagine sitting through the resulting drivel. Of course, the third story is not really written like THAT... It's more serious. But about 1/100th as serious of this.... because there are still many (intentionally) funny moments in it. Ah well. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 26 April 2003 15:52 PST Heheh... Come on people! Keep writing! Go! Go! Go! Anyway, Steve, it's gonna be a REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY long time before I finish the entire story. If you saw how poorly written the original manuscript is, you'd understand why. *Shudders, thinking about Part 3* Luckily, Part 2 (Which I added a long time after finishing the rest of the story) is pretty well written, so I won't have to revise it as much. Hehe...I feel kinda bad now... I'm VERY, VERY artistic, and apparently a good author. (Also intelligent and attractive and funny, but I'll stop now). I guess to sum myself up in one word: creative. -------------------- |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 26 April 2003 16:3 PST Yes.... seeing as how that is 1/4 of the story... I know it'll take a while to finish. I might post it tomorrow. Maybe. Actually, I'm a LOT more afraid of it not being read at all than people reading it and saying it's bad. If the latter occurs, I can figure out what's wrong and try again in a better view. No harm done there. If the former occurs, it makes me feel... unwanted and unrespected, actually. Makes me want to stop doing everything productive due to the fear that no one would care. That, and my 3rd story only has one original character! And he doesn't appear until Chapter 3! I'm sdo proud! ... Kind of. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Dairy King | Posted - 26 April 2003 16:22 PST I wasn't actually comparing the story(if thats what you'd call it) of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" to this story, I was saying it is one of my favorite books. I'm sure that sounds childish. I'm not a real coherent writer, but the stories I've thought of defintly have alot of potential. When mine is finished, I'll be sure to post it here. If you want, I can give a smidge of what I've wrote. A
cool breeze swept through the castle as the Hero of time cautiously
walked up the giant flight of stairs leading to the chamber of
Gannondorf, the evil wizard. As he neared the room, Link could hear the
desolate tones of an organ, playing something that sounded like opera.
Link hated opera. I hope you enjoyed that. It's my style of writing. Thats just the beginning of the story. It's really good!!(so far)
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| Sapphira | Posted - 26 April 2003 17:56 PST I'll read your story, Steve. I wasn't afraid people would think my story's bad, just that it's controversial--or people wouldn't read it, like you said. Anyway, post it. You won't know until you try. (Do you HOW much GUTS it took me to post THIS story?!) If I can do it, so can you, and anyone else. Dairy King, your story sounds really good and well-written so far, even though it's not Mario-related (at least it gave me that impression). I'd like to read it. :) Don't make me feel like I'm the only person who'd post a fanfic here, people! -------------------- |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 26 April 2003 18:7 PST Well, I guess that's all the conformation I need. I'll post Chaper 1 .... probably tomorrow. I mean, I have to iron out a few things (The ending is a tad fuzzy, and Chapter 5 is the weakest. Other than that... everything is set for my story to the posted. Although Chapters 1-4 are essentially the way I want them) and so I doubt I'll start today. You never know though... It isn't long at all, only 7 chapters and an Eplilouge (I think that's the word I want) and it has about 1/5th the major characters as my 2nd fanfic... (And 1/20th the amount of original characters) so you shouldn't get confused. I think. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Dairy King | Posted - 26 April 2003 21:49 PST My story starts off with Link fighting Gannondorf, then moves to TMK. It has eqaul amounts of each.(so far) Thats all I got. Please!! Post more of your story! I am poetry in motion. You are gibberish in neutral. |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 28 April 2003 13:7 PST That was the greatest 1/4 of a story that I ever read. When i'ts all completed you should try to get it published. What is wrong with this guy? |
| Bluto | Posted - 28 April 2003 19:47 PST I guess I can wait until your chapter is revised(*long sigh*). Revising is what takes up most of my writing time. I just hope when my story picks up everyone will probably stop wondering " Hey, this ain't a dark and gritty story, what gives." It gets kinda emotional and sometimes my eyes will water, 'cause its really sad. ARRG! MUST... STOP... RAMBLING! sorry. Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 28 April 2003 20:4 PST Heh...generally, I'm not affected by emotional scenes in movies/stories/etc, unless I really get into and attatched to the characters. (When in novel in a series I've been reading I heard one of the characters was going to die, I thought my eyes were gonna water...*sniffle*) I still get a little lump in my throat each time I read the scene with Melony and Peach (which is sorta related to something that happened in my real life), and when she dies in Mario's arms... so sad... Sorry...now *I'm* rambling. Anyhoo, the only time I can work on the story is in the late morning/earlier afternoon, when everyone's gone. I hope you'll continue your story, Bluto. -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 30 April 2003 6:44 PST This is the greatest fanfic I've ever read. I'll bet Mario is really mad at Bowser when he finds out about this. He should leave Bowser in a pool of his own crimson blood. Waluigi, how unoriginal can you get? |
| Sapphira | Posted - 30 April 2003 10:45 PST Hey everybody...Guess what? I finished the changes to the rest of Part 1!!! So now...here's the much-awaited Chapter 11!!
Bower had entered the princess’s room and found the young, beautiful mother of his child as a fragile, lifeless body. He had dreaded this fearful day, and never in all his life had he felt so alone and disheartened. He made a dreadful cry—a terrible, mourning roar heard all throughout the entire kingdom, putting a deep fear and pity into the hearts of those still alive. Tears streamed down Bowser’s hideous face as he gently rested it against the princess’s soft, rosy cheek, stoking her golden hair with his scaly claw. A light tapping came from the door, and slowly the head Magikoopa entered the room. “…Y…Your Majesty…?” he asked gently, “Is there anything…..?” A
fierce, burning anger arose from within the depths of his soul. “You
will *not* refer to my love that way!” he roared in desperation. Bowser closed his eyes and shook his head in agony. “Maybe…we can find a cure for her…and can bring her back…” ------------------------ Yoshi was able to rescue Luigi and Daisy, and they continued to hide in the cave, creating a solid hidden entrance. Luckily Yoshi had brought plenty of supplies and rations to last them quite a while. Mario had silently exited the princess’s room, too numb and despondent to do anything more. Meeting up with Toad, the heartbroken plumber had told the small Mushroom Retainer the devastating news. Sorrowfully the two turned around and began walking home, wet tears stained on their faces and eyes, creating a surreal, bleary line of vision. Amidst the gloomy scene, a loud screech sounded from the castle’s intercom system. Immediately everyone looked for the source of the noise. A Hammer Brother stood on an alcove above and spoke into a megaphone connected to the system. “Attention to all in the land!” the voice crackled, “His Highness has just declared today as a day of mourning, in the loving memory of Princess Peach Toadstool, who has just passed away. Everyone is to return to their homes or quarters to mourn for the rest of the day. You will be informed later of when to return …” An expression of agony spread across each individual’s face. Thunder raged throughout the dreary sky as everyone glumly walked back to the slave encampment. The terrible reminder forced a second dagger in the heroes’ already-plunging hearts. Reality sank in, and Toad began to shudder uncontrollably, his eyes welling terribly so that everything became a massive blur of monotonous gray. Mario closed his eyes tightly, remembering his love’s final breath in his arms. The plumber collapsed, trembling, the bitter tears running endlessly down his face. “…Peach…! …Oh, Peach…” The land was now completely deserted, as the heroes lay on the cold, wet cement, hidden, weeping bitterly for the dear princess. She was gone… Loved by all, she was actually gone… The rain poured relentlessly down upon their heads. ------------------------ “Oh no…! Did you guys hear that…?” Yoshi sadly cried.
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| Fifth | Posted - 30 April 2003 12:17 PST Wow... I was hesitant to read this (I don't normally care much for fanfics,) but I'm glad that I finally got around to doing so. You pulled off the premise and the effect quite wonderfully, and I was moved. Truly. ...Dag.
That's the problem with reading in backlog. You get accustomed to
reading straight through, and then you get to the end and realize that
you have to start waiting. Go Moon! |
| Bluto | Posted - 30 April 2003 19:13 PST This chapter I feel really shows something kinda unique. If I may ramble for a bit, this shows a side of Bowser that is rarely seen. In Mario games, it seemed that Bowser would capture the princess just to terrorize her, or to take over, or to get Mario to walk into traps, but this story shows a compassionate side of Bowser, that the monster's heart is actually capable of love. The most significant parts are the anger he shows when he learns Peach is dying, and the grief showed when she dies. This is honestly to most I have cared about a story and the characters. I feel that I am your number 1 fan because I come here over ten times a day to look for updates, and don't worry, my story's plot gravy is about to thicken.^_^ Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess! |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 30 April 2003 19:21 PST What I like about that chapter was how Bowser, although he was sorrowful, was also quite angry and much like himself at the same time. I love these stark contrasts in moods... (As you have seen and will see in my fanfic) Well done! Although I am still not saying my predictions... unless they're right. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 30 April 2003 19:28 PST Actually, I honestly do think you're my #1 fan, Bluto. I love doing this sort of thing; everyone hates the antagonist (Bowser, obviously), yet can't help but feel sympathy for him. 2 contradicting emotions at once. Anyway, don't worry, my loyal fans! Tomorrow Chapter 12, the final chapter in Part 1, shall be posted. ^_^ -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 1 May 2003 6:41 PST And now, CH 12, the ending of Part 1...
Thunder continued to crackle throughout the dreary sky as the two disheartened heroes sat on the wet pavement, weeping in sorrow. A small, faint light flickered in the sky. It flew over to them, the plumber and Mushroom Retainer now drenched from the rain. “Mario…!”
Twink shouted through the loud thunderstorm. The two looked up,
squinting from the pouring rain. “I’ve been looking all over for you…”
He paused. “You’ve…heard, haven’t you…?” “Shortly before she…..” the little Star interrupted, “Uh…she told me to find you and tell you this…” Mario looked directly into Twink, his eyes searching the little Star. “She said that…she loves you…and she’ll never forget you…” Mario painfully closed his eyes, placing a hand over his mouth to keep from sobbing. “She
said that it’s not your fault,” Twink continued, “and there was nothing
that you could have done…” His whole body began to shudder from the
immense agony. Finally
he could no longer contain the immeasurable amount of sorrow enveloping
his soul as tears streamed down his face. “…Princess…! My beautiful
princess…!” His heart ached with misery. “…Um…well… A few days before Peach…” he pressed painfully, his eyes welling up again, “…was kidnapped, Merlon told me of a strange dream he had…” Mario tried hard to clear his mind. “He said…um…a voice told him this: that ‘a child of Good and Evil will come…’ Uh…that ‘Good will perish and Evil will reign…’ Um…uh…” He forced himself to focus. “Oh, and that ‘the child will destroy the Evil and Good will prevail again…” Mario looked up. “…But neither of us knew what it meant…” Twink pursed his lips. “Peach told me that her daughter was this child…”
“I think we’ve figured it out…” the little Star whispered, “But… What
does it mean by the last part…uh…‘the child will destroy the Evil and
Good will prevail once more’…? If you replace ‘child’, ‘Good’ and
‘Evil’ for their names…it just doesn’t make sense…” He shook his head
in perplexity. “Wait…maybe…” Twink paused in thought. “This child is born of the rulers of each of the two kingdoms…” “…Ooh… This is so confusing…!” The Mushroom Retainer lamented, “By the time we figure it out, it’ll have already happened…” ------------------------ And then there was Peach. She was their closest friend. Nothing would ever be the same without her in their lives. Mario and Toad were overjoyed in learning of Luigi and Daisy’s engagement. They made their way back to the small cave, which was a little crowded with five people. They huddled together, trying to find a way of continuing on with their lives amidst the unlikely odds of survival. Eventually through the long, hard months, the special day had come. It wasn’t very fancy, nor was anyone really dressed for the occasion, but it had to do. The five gathered for the small wedding, the bride and groom each accepting with all of their hearts. Luigi and Daisy slowly leaned toward each other as their lips tenderly met. The others quietly cheered as they watched the joyous scene. They were now married. Nothing could ever break their two souls apart. Together, they all waited in silence, wondering what was to come in their bleak, dark days that lay ahead. |
| Bluto | Posted - 1 May 2003 12:27 PST I guess I never really thought about the part of the prophecy saying good will return and destroy the evil not making sense, but now that its been brought up, how can the good(Peach) return if it had parished? ARRG! Now I'm more intrigued than ever! I can't wait for more.^_^ Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 1 May 2003 14:26 PST Heheh...I love foreshadowing in a mysterious, incomprehendible way... I can just imagine the different predictions you guys are all making. Heheheheheh....Okay, I've GOT to stop doing that! The story SHALL continue, but updates will be random and sporatic. Glad you're all enjoying! (Man, I bet I'm torturing you by leaving it hanging like this!) ;) -------------------- |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 2 May 2003 10:15 PST Hahaha, I bet this Prophecy refers to something completely different than what it obviously looks like. Still brilliant. And you said you added Part 2 after originally writing the story? I'd like to see if the style from the new part is any different than the styles of the pre-written parts... it ought to be interesting. Still, Part 1 was excellent. Amazing. Better than I'll ever be. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Jman | Posted - 3 May 2003 19:24 PST This is great! Can't wait for part 2. Now that our five heroes are back together, the fight can begin! Or maybe not until later in the story. Keep it up, Sapphira! Long live the Mario Brothers! Edited by - Jman on 5/3/2003 7:29:08 PM |
| Jman | Posted - 4 May 2003 12:38 PST Sorry to double post, but I have another fan fiction story. This one is a storyline for those who have played championship modes on WWE video games. The story: Super Smash Brothers has a new general manager. And you're not going to believe who it is! Long live the Mario Brothers! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 4 May 2003 22:8 PST Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone. I'm still trying to work on it (b/w everyone being home and in the way, doing chores (ugh), posting and reading stuff on this board, and playing Animal Crossing.) Heheh... Anyhoo, I mentioned that once I posted all of Part 1, I'd tell what the changes were in CH 10+, so here ya go. Well, as I said, I'm glad from all your positive feedback and will continue the story as promised. :) -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 5/5/2003 2:46:21 PM |
| Jman | Posted - 5 May 2003 14:41 PST Can't wait for some more good reading. I mentioned above that I wrote a SSB fanfic with a storyline similar to the WWF games on N64. Anyway, still can't wait for part 2. Long live the Mario Brothers! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 15 May 2003 19:39 PST Okay, guys, I'm REALLY sorry for taking so long. I'll try to get CH 13 up by tomorrow, but it's a big maybe. Hopefully my mom'll be at work tomorrow. (I think she said something about not having to go tomorrow, but I'm not sure.) If she's going, I'll get up earlier so I can work on it more. Sorry. I know you're all waiting... -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 16 May 2003 17:25 PST Okay, so I didn't get up earlier this morning, but I finished it anyway! And now, the much awaited Chapter 13...
The rest of the hard year had slowly passed. The young child Melony had trouble sleeping every night since the gloomy afternoon her mother had passed away. Disturbing visions and horrifying images haunted her dreams. She was terrified to sleep for fear these nightmares would come true or even that she would never wake up again. Every night she prayed they would stop, and holding her Yoshi doll close, she managed to cry herself to sleep. There was something about that doll’s eyes that made it so friendly and comforting, so different from everyone and thing in that dreary castle of her home. She longed to know what peace felt like. And she was only five years old. ------------------------ The five set a plan: they would search for other hiding inhabitants and provide help and refuge for them in the castle. Already they had been successful, and everyone was extremely grateful, joining in to help in the search. Eventually, though, suspicion began to arise from some in the Koopa Troop. Luckily, they seemed to be safe for the time being. Mario began to grow weary. Late one evening he announced that he had to go somewhere. The others wondered what he was planning on doing as he headed for the castle's doors, taking a Cape Feather from his pocket. Luigi stopped him; he didn’t like this one bit. “Mario, what exactly are you doing?” he asked concernedly. Luigi
sighed and glumly turned around. Daisy slowly descended the stairs,
pausing with a puzzled expression on her delicate face. ------------------------ Carefully in the dark he forced himself up and silently dressed into his classic overalls and green shirt, topped off with his signature ‘L’ cap. He walked over to the sleeping Daisy and lightly kissed her fragile cheek. She stirred a little then gently rolled over, sighing deeply in her dreams. For a moment he felt he could gaze at her forever. She was so beautiful, so loving, so innocent. Her face defined the very essence of grace and serenity. Luigi stood up and quietly exited the bedroom. He pursed his lips. Slowly
he closed the door and walked down the hallway and stairs, careful to
make sure he wouldn’t wake anyone. He opened the immense, wobbly castle
doors with a creak. Closing them behind him, he pulled a Cape Feather
from his pocket. Luigi shook his head. ------------------------ ------------------------ “How could you do this to her!!?” he screamed, “How dare you!! I promise you, you WILL pay!! I WILL avenge her, if it’s the last thing I do!!” Mario collapsed to his knees, burying his face in his hands. “Oh…Peach… How could I let this happen to you…?” He felt a slight breeze brush against his back. A figure flew from behind and landed on the rooftop. “Mario,” it whispered. The agitated plumber slowly lifted his head. It was Luigi. Quickly he turned away, tightly closing his sapphire eyes. “Mario…” he solemnly pressed, “I thought I’d find you here…” Mario clenched his teeth, still facing away. “Why did you follow me? I told you this doesn’t concern you!” Luigi’s
heart ached. He spoke softly. “Mario… I know you loved her… I know
you’ll never be the same… I understand; she was the greatest friend…to
me, to everyone. But some things…you just have to let go…” “I
do! But, Mario, you’ve lost it. You’re not thinking straight anymore.
I’m saying this because, believe it or not, I care about you.” Mario
looked away. “Bowser has become way too powerful. Troops would be on
you like *that* before you could get anywhere near to him. Mario,
there’s no way you’d be able to make it. I don’t want you to get hurt.” “This
has nothing to do with morality!” he screamed, “This is about justice!
He deserves to die, Luigi! You can’t tell me he doesn’t!” Edited by - Sapphira on 5/16/2003 6:36:39 PM |
| Maestro | Posted - 16 May 2003 22:3 PST Wow!, I just read the whole thing............this is amazing. You form a storyline very well and write as if you were writing a sequel to the "Left Behind" series. Keep up the good work. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 16 May 2003 22:13 PST ^_^ Another reader! Thank you! (Oh yeah, I LOVE the Left Behind series. You may actually catch an allusion or two...(sooner or later, anyway.) The rest is solid originality. ...Hmm...although it *IS* rather apocalyptic and prophesaic... (wait, that's not a word!)) -------------------- |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 17 May 2003 15:52 PST *fumble* *fumble* WOW! that sound that you just heard (read) was me picking my jaw off the keyboard. NEVER have I read such a passionate story in my life. This is actually the first story that has brought tears to my eyes, ya ive read other tragic stories, but NEVER like this one. Step aside Bluto, Im your biggest fan! It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 17 May 2003 15:59 PST ^_^ ...That was me, speechless! -------------------- |
| Bluto | Posted - 17 May 2003 21:22 PST Ooh boy! Mario's getting vengeful! I don't think Mario has ever really gone down that path before, but I like it. I hope you get the next chapter up soon. ... and I am still the #1 fan of this story.^_^ Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess! |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 17 May 2003 21:28 PST *clap clap* Well, I read all of what I hadn't so far, and, while unbelieveably repulsive, I still like the story. |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 17 May 2003 22:8 PST Not any more Bluto...... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Dairy King | Posted - 18 May 2003 2:15 PST Yeah, I am!! :P U.S. X-Box Controller- Doubles as an anchor for sea-worthy crafts. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 May 2003 11:29 PST Wow! I'm actually having people FIGHT over who's my story's number one fan! Frankly, I'm flattered! ^_^ -------------------- |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 18 May 2003 13:5 PST NO I AM, I can prove it too, has anyone acctually said anything that made the author speachless? Ya I thought so so that makes me her #1 fan.....Bwahaha Im so smart...:E It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 18 May 2003 18:54 PST Bleh, I'll be happy to call myself rough;y the #5 fan of this story or thereabouts. And I almost can't tell that you added this part well after you finished the story. You have a real flair for writing. Nicely done. Interesting how you take Mario and give him a radically different mood than is customary for him. It's still a 10 in my book. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Jman | Posted - 19 May 2003 15:10 PST So, Mario is gonna kill Bowser? Oh MAN!!! this is, in the words of more than one member on this board, "the best fanfic I've ever read!" "You said you understood!"
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| Dr. Mario | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:4 PST Mario is not going to kill Bowser! Ch. 1 first sentence. "*And a child of Good and Evil shall come to rise. Good will perish and Evil will reign, but the child will destroy the Evil, and Good will prevail once more.*” BTW, this story is an 11 out of 10 in my book! What is wrong with this guy? Edited by - Dr. Mario on 5/19/2003 6:07:23 PM |
| Jman | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:12 PST oh. I think these words are my favorite in the entire story. "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! Edited by - Jman on 5/19/2003 6:18:23 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:15 PST Heheh... ^_^ 11/10! Woohoo! Thank you! Oh, and as I think Steve mentioned earlier, "Most other stories I can sorta figure out what's going to happen next, but I don't even know HOW you'd continue this!" --paraphrased as best I can remember. Anyhoo, this story is completely unpredictable, so it'll leave you guessing on what's gonna happen next. Nevertheless, I love hearing your predictions. :) Oh, and I also said I added Part 2 (CH 13 thru ??) long after the story was completed, if that tells you anything. :) -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:20 PST "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! Edited by - Jman on 7/20/2004 9:03:26 AM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:22 PST Oh yeah! Jman, you ASSUME I'd let you use a quote from my story! Heheh...J/k, you can use it. Nothing like free advertisement! Whooo! ;) Oh, but one thing; it goes:
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| Sapphira | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:24 PST Whoops! I responded too fast! Oh well. :) 100th post in my story!! Woohoo!! -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 19 May 2003 18:42 PST I was just saying I found that serious part of the story funny. And by the way, THIS is the 100th post of the topic. "I thought you said you understood...!" "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! Edited by - Jman on 5/19/2003 6:46:39 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 May 2003 19:17 PST Actually *I* got the 100th post. You got the 100th *REPLY*. There's a difference. The very 1st post actually counts as 0. Hence why we live in the 21st century even though it's the century 2000. -------------------- |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 19 May 2003 19:34 PST heh heh very clever Sapphira... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 19 May 2003 19:52 PST Why, thank you. :) -------------------- |
| Mario Maniac | Posted - 21 May 2003 7:28 PST Wow... All I can say is this is the most exquisite (spelling?) writing I have ever read. Sapphira, you have a great talent for writing, you should contact Nintendo and try to get this story published as a book... or maybe even a movie script! Yeah, this could be the Mario movie we've all been waiting for! Great job, I'll continue reading...! ^_^ People who like video games should also like Nintendo. People who don''t like Nintendo obviously don''t like video games. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 May 2003 9:39 PST ^_^ Once again, I'm speechless! Thank you so much! Oh, and you spelled exquisite correctly. :) -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 21 May 2003 19:29 PST Good Idea Mario maniac. Although I wish Peach didn't have to die in the movie. Among Mario fans, this could be a box office smash. "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 May 2003 20:12 PST Really? You guys think so? ^_^ Man, that would be so awesome! (To be honest, that would be an amazing dream come true! I've actually thought about what it would be like if this were to become a movie! (Just a crazy, random dream floating in the back of my mind)...Of course, I'd have to direct it or oversee it or something to make sure Hollywood (or whoever) didn't alter it too much. Gah! Remakes of novels just change them too much.) Oh, on a side note, if they ever decided to make another Mario movie again, it'd HAVE to be in 3-D animation, just like the VGs are. Definitely NOT real life *cough* SMB:tM *cough*, and cartoon format just doesn't seem like it'd fit the modern Mario style anymore. (...I've wanted to make a comment about Mario movie changes/suggestions for a long time, completely unrelated to this story, of course.) :) -------------------- |
| Mario Maniac | Posted - 28 May 2003 7:52 PST What happened to this wonderful story? Sapphira, please post some more of your story! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 28 May 2003 11:33 PST I'm working on it, still; don't worry. :) Chapters 1-9 were already 100% ready to go before I posted them, and 10-12 (the rest of Part 1) just needed some alterations. The rest of the story TOTALLY needs to be edited and revised. Takes about 2 weeks per chapter now. I know that's a long time, but you want it to be the best it can, right? Please be patient. :) -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 28 May 2003 17:0 PST Woohoo! Man, you got lucky! I actually JUST finished CH 14! ...Although I divided it into 2 chapters, which I wasn't planning to do. It was longer in length than I thought it was, that's why. If it weren't for that, it would've been a while longer. Anyhoo, enjoy! ;) ...The second chapter of Part 2...
It
was dark. Shadows enveloped the young Melony everywhere. Unable to see,
her big blue eyes squinted in the darkness. Suddenly a loud
blood-curdling scream echoed throughout the void. It shrieked for help. “Run…” she heard something whisper. With of all her small strength, she fled away from the horrid screams and sounds, her little heart pounding from within her chest. Suddenly something grabbed her from behind. She tried to scream, but nothing came out. Her eyes widened in sheer terror as she watched a sharp dagger plunge to her throat… Melony awoke with a gasp. Sweat beaded her forehead, her breathing in short, shaky gasps. She felt her throat. Nothing. It was fine. It was a dream, just a dream. Slowly Melony sat up, careful not to wake her sister in the bunk above. Shakily she walked over and climbed onto the wind sill. Holding her Yoshi doll close, she gazed up at the many stars in the twilight sky. She curled herself into a ball and cried softly. ------------------------ “What’s that?!” one of them shouted. They recovered quickly, though. Two of the guards fiercely grabbed him, pinning him back as the other repeatedly gave blows to his stomach and face. Luigi struggled to reach his left pocket while defending himself. Suddenly he pulled out a Fire Flower and stunned the aggressor. Throwing the other two off guard, he quickly spun around and bashed their scaly heads together. Luigi panted heavily, inspecting the unconscious Koopas. The others would have been proud of him. Shaking from the unexpected melee, he glanced at the castle’s main doors. More troops stood outside. Luigi cringed. He would have to find another way inside. ------------------------ ------------------------ The overwhelming rage abruptly transformed into a cold, bitter misery. He stared hopelessly at the ground below, tightly closing his eyes. Something gently floated down from the sky and landed softly near him on the rooftop. From the corner of his eye, Mario saw it land. The little Star Twink watched him silently from above. Slowly Mario picked it up; it was an envelope. On the front was his name, beautifully scripted. He recognized this handwriting from somewhere. Carefully he opened the envelope, gently pulling out what appeared to be a letter. His eyes carefully landed upon the words. “My dearest Mario,” He immediately tore his eyes from the stationery. It was from Peach. The terrible wounds from the dagger mercilessly ripped open once again, his heart flooding with the unbearable, painful memory. He clenched his teeth and swallowed hard. This was too much to bear. How could he possibly read this? He shook his head in agony. He *had* to read this. Slowly he forced his eyes to meet the calligraphic words. *I love you with all my heart. Please don’t ever think that I would not. I know you tried your very best and hardest to save me, but it is already too late. Please, please, *please* don’t go blaming yourself or anyone else. There was *nothing* that could have been done; it was inevitable.* Mario fought back bitter sobs, choking on the terrible lump in his throat. His vision grew blurry, the words fading in and out, but he forced himself to continue. *I
have little energy left, so I will write sparingly. Please… Pray for my
daughter, that she will not fall into the evil ways of the Koopas. I
only hope that she will become wise and brave and strong, just as you
are, my love. Please keep me dear in your heart. Please hold on without
me. You must stay strong in these dark times. Don’t ever, ever lose
hope. I only wish I could see you and hold you and be able to kiss you
one last time. Don’t you ever give up, my love. I love you so, so much;
I always will. Painfully Mario closed his eyes. He struggled with his utmost being to suppress the overwhelming agony welling within his soul. The hero held the letter close against his chest, forcing back tears. Softly he kissed the frail stationery, the very scent of it reminding him of his sweet princess. Very gently, he folded it and placed it back into its envelope, as if it were a flower whose fragile beauty would wither in his hands. He carefully placed it into his pocket, where it would remain safe against him. Slowly he looked up at the dreary castle. His sharp blue eyes were terribly clouded over, seeming that his very essence had withered into a numb void of nonexistence. Sighing hopelessly, he turned away and flew off of the rooftop, far away from the castle into the starry night sky. Twink gave a weary smile and sullenly flew away, also, silent, unseen.
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| Insane Steve | Posted - 28 May 2003 19:4 PST "It's a person, you idiot! Get him!" Oh man, that's gold. I mean, nice to see that even in such a serious story, you can pull off sporatic humor and still make it work. Opposed to me, of course, who has to compromise that "serious" feel to add humor. Of course, without humor, my style is... dull, actually. Still, amazing. ... Too long? I think all of my story's chapters were longer than that.... still, amazing. I am still astonished by your flawless presentation. And speaking of my (new) story... I can't do ANYTHING with it after Part 1 ends (5 Chapters). Bleh. I'll figure something out. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Chupperson Weird | Posted - 28 May 2003 19:34 PST I'm still reading. It's still good. |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 28 May 2003 19:40 PST Wow, I feel as if, I read half of a novel, lost it,found it again, and now finishing it.... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Maestro | Posted - 29 May 2003 20:48 PST I might feel the same if we actually were halfway through with the story. I'm still excited about the posting of new chapters. This chapter is the closest yet to the "Left Behind" series with the "Safe House", "Strong House" issue. |
| Jman | Posted - 30 May 2003 9:26 PST Nice writing Sapphira! I can see you put in a couple of humorous lines in a serious story. "What's that?!" "It's a person you idiot! Get him!" I wish I could have thought of that for my fanfic! Speaking of fanfics, I just posted a new Mario fic called "The Mushroom Kingdom Conquest." "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! Edited by - Jman on 5/30/2003 12:29:49 PM |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 30 May 2003 14:7 PST This story is great! It's so well-written, so utterly perfect. It's just like reading a novel. This is definately worth having to wait for the chapters to be posted (That's the part I hate most, the waiting). BTW love the humor, It's a person you idiot! Get him!" What is wrong with this guy? |
| Jman | Posted - 30 May 2003 14:40 PST Yeah, I find that hilarious, man. By the way, has anyone checked out THe Mushroom Kingdom Conquest yet? "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 30 May 2003 22:8 PST Yes, I checked it out. :) Heheh...
You guys really liked that line, huh? Every once in a while, I'll throw
in some humor (in future chapters). Very sporatic, though. :) -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 31 May 2003 8:14 PST So, are you done with the next chapter yet? Wait! You've already written the entire story. So what I meant to say is, Are you done revising the next chapter? "You can''t kill a real American hero, you rube! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 31 May 2003 11:21 PST No. See earlier post: "Takes about 2 weeks per chapter now. -------------------- |
| Bluto | Posted - 3 June 2003 15:14 PST Man I wish I would have paid attention a few days ago and saw that chapter 14 was posted. I agree with everyone that liked the little bit of humor, a little now and then can help to break up the dark and morbid theme of the story. Very good writings. I seem to find less time to visit here and even less time to work on my story. I'll try my best to post the next chapter soon. Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess! |
| jon | Posted - 5 June 2003 16:58 PST Have you seen a topic that you're supposed to read, Sapphira? Well, this story is the reason I did that. Oh, I am good at writing Mario comedy if you ever needed that. ________________________________________ |
| jon | Posted - 5 June 2003 20:7 PST Can you put mario gets hit on the head with a frying pan in your story? I'm just kidding. |
| jon | Posted - 7 June 2003 11:8 PST Sapphira, this story is awesome! Why don't you try publishing it and putting it on the market! You describe the scene with such amazing words-it will be hard to compete against you. Good job. I think the only problem with selling it to the market is that this is like an adult book and there aren't many adults out there who like Mario-except Luigison. But if anyone wants a great book, they should still check this out!^_^ |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 7 June 2003 11:19 PST Nintendo would probably sue.... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| jon | Posted - 7 June 2003 11:41 PST Well, if you went to college, + learned about Nintendo making video games and became the person who thinks of video game ideas for a Mario game, you can make the game based on this story. But it will probably be rated Mature because of certain things in this story like being raped. Of course, Spagetti+Meatballs (Shigeru Miyamoto) wouldn't want a 'M' rated Mario game. Nintendo is for the young audience-which I am. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 7 June 2003 11:57 PST Thank you. ^_^ Actually, that's something I want to do! ^_^ Work for Nintendo, that is. :) I don't think this story would make a very good video game. A *movie* on the other hand... ;) -------------------- |
| jon | Posted - 7 June 2003 12:1 PST Yes, I would also like to work for Nintendo and make video games. My story would probably make a good video game because it's more so aimed for kids(which is the Mario people) and has more action/adventure(like a normal Mario game). My story would be up as a cartoon movie because it has a lot of comedy in it. I think with your story, it would be better if people acted it out because there would be special effects/computer graphics and it will just perfectify(is that a word?) a movie-story. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 7 June 2003 12:5 PST Yeah, probably. :) Although I think it'd be best using computer animation. And, no, "perfectify" is not a word. It's "perfect," as in "per-FECT" not "PER-fect." -------------------- |
| jon | Posted - 7 June 2003 12:8 PST That's what I meant-computer animation. Oh, another way to spell 'perfect' is purr-fect. Ha ha-I'm so dumb. Just kidding. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bowser evil laugh. Ha! |
| Jman | Posted - 19 June 2003 11:6 PST If my dates are right, Sapphira should have the next chapter up on the 21st. I can't say enough about this story. By the way, If anyone's checked out my story, The Mushroom Kingdom conquest, Like Sapphira, I appreciate feedback. And my story is going to get a lot more interesting as Part 1 ends and Part 2 begins. I''m a Mario rube! |
| Dairy King | Posted - 19 June 2003 14:12 PST Wow..... Wow..... Wow..... Either way, I''m still a cad! I hate everybody! Yaaarrrgh! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 6 July 2003 19:37 PST I'm so sorry I haven't posted the next chapter!! :( I'll try to get on it... *Sigh* -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 8 July 2003 7:37 PST I just read it today. Man, this story really could be the box office smash Mario movie. I reviewed it too. The master of multiplayer Mario games: You''re looking at him right now! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 8 July 2003 9:4 PST Yay! Thank you! Unfortunately, the stupid site hasn't updated it yet--I put chapter 4 up last night, and it STILL hasn't changed--same with your review--it's not up yet, either. :( Oh well. It said, "Any changes you make might not be immediately reflected on the site for up to 24 hours." Anyway, thanks for reviewing it. ^_^ -------------------- |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 8 July 2003 15:22 PST *Pssssst* If you want more reviews, shorten your chapters to 2 paragraphs each! Most of the people on FF.net look at the first chapter and think "Man, this is long. I don't wanna read this." And then they don't, as they wouldn't know quality if it hit them upside the head. Of course, you DO realise this is sarcasm, right? Still... And I'm NEVER going to Fanfiction.net. I some something on this site about a year ago from there that made me all sick inside and stuff. And that's hard to do, man. So ya. Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve. |
| Mario Maniac | Posted - 21 July 2003 8:24 PST I remember what your talking about. I went to Fanfiction.net a year ago and accidentally found some disgusting pornography about Mario characters and Sonic characters... I don't even want to think about it... People who like video games should also like Nintendo. People who don''t like Nintendo obviously don''t like video games. |
| Jman | Posted - 21 July 2003 10:27 PST Whoever invented Porn should be dragged out into the street and shot. The master of multiplayer Mario games: You''re looking at him right now! |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 21 July 2003 11:29 PST This chapter is taking incredibly long to get posted. |
| Markio | Posted - 21 July 2003 11:51 PST It took me about two hours to read the whole story, but it really is... too good for an adjective to describe it. I'm guessing that Peach is revived and Bowser is not the evil from the prophecy. I think it's funny when there's a sad part and Mario is referred to as the plumber. But anyway, its a really good story. Act your age, not your I.Q. Wait, what''s the difference? |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 July 2003 11:51 PST Ack! Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I haven't posted this in a while... uhh...Wow... I'm like a month and a half behind schedule! AHHHHHHHH!!! The truth is...well...I've been lazy...heheheh.... I'll try to finish the next chapter soon, really. I know you're all waiting... *smiles, cringing...* -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 July 2003 12:57 PST Whoa...simultaneous posts... FREAKY @_@ Anyway, thanks, Markio. I'm glad you like it. :) |
| jon | Posted - 21 July 2003 14:58 PST Why dont you just put the story in Gamers Haven??? Wouldnt that be better? ----------------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 21 July 2003 17:2 PST 'Cuz I want to do both...er..all three. Here, for all you guys--my biggest supporters ^_^ , on FF.Net so it can be exposed to more readers, and on my own website--GH. It lets more people know when it's updated. Here I get comments from you guys, on FF.Net I get reviews from fellow writers and fanfic-lovers, and on GH it gives the site a more personal--and professional--touch--both at the same time. ;) It's my story, and what I wish to do with it is my own choice. ;P -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 7/21/2003 5:03:10 PM |
| Dairy King | Posted - 21 July 2003 17:20 PST So... What's your excuse now? *Please Post Next Chapter Soon!* |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 22 July 2003 7:41 PST 900th post!!!! Words of Wisdom: Enemies are just friends in reverse. Edited by - Dr. Mario on 7/22/2003 7:45:13 AM |
| Jman | Posted - 23 July 2003 8:45 PST I like the part where Princess Daisy says: "Look at me, I'm crying. I never cry. What's wrong with me?" (Way back in ch.2 The master of multiplayer Mario games: You''re looking at him right now! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 23 July 2003 9:16 PST Okay, okay, I know I'm behind, people, but there's no need to shout. :P lol, Jman. That line was actually added JUST right before I posted it. I didn't want to make Daisy seem like a crybaby; she doesn't strike me to be that way. Plus, subtle humor never hurts... ;P -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 23 July 2003 10:21 PST Yeah, like, "What's that?" "It's a person you idiot! Get him!" Was that in the original manuscript?
I go through signatures like a fat guy goes through pants in a week. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 23 July 2003 10:56 PST Yeah, that line was. Most of the dialogue's been left the way it was originally. Oh, and you're new sig's fine. I like it. ;) -------------------- |
| Markio | Posted - 26 July 2003 8:41 PST PLEASE post the rest of this diggidy dang dang darn story. |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 27 July 2003 5:39 PST HEY! Dont get on Sapphira's case...She's a very very busy woman! How would you like to juggle writing a story, working on a website, working on a comic (especially the time consuming things like spriting), and her real life all at once? Huh? could you even handle it? I sincerely doubt it... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 27 July 2003 5:46 PST Blasted double posts... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! Edited by - Marionut#1 on 7/27/2003 5:49:06 AM |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 27 July 2003 5:48 PST Oh BTW...Does anybody mind if I post a novel Im writing? It has nothing to do with Mario...but however..the Fungi Forums do appear in it...its a mystery novel..cleverly entitled "The Nazi Mystery" Which should keep you on your seat..(if I write it just right that is..)Some of you TMKers also make an appearance in it...Its unique because it mostly is based on things that actually happened in real life..and Im trying to make it as historically acurate as possible...basically if you take a story with a little mystery about it, and make a big mystery out of it...and you got the novel...;) Watch for it sometime soon..that is if you guys want me to..right now its nothing more than an outline.. It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Markio | Posted - 27 July 2003 9:19 PST I'm not trying to get on her case, and I can handle it, because I'm writing a story, and I'm reading three novels for school and I have a five page algebra thing due in a month, and I have my own life to deal with, so there! And diggidy dang dang darn isn't supposed to be mean, either. Hamster Sauce! Edited by - Markio on 7/27/2003 9:20:50 AM |
| Dairy King | Posted - 27 July 2003 9:31 PST I wasn't shouting. I was just putting up a big attention grabbing reminder! THIS IS SHOUTING!!!! Marionut#1, who in all from tMK appears in your story? Rest assured. There is no signature. There never has been, and never will be. Edited by - Dairy King on 7/27/2003 9:34:45 AM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 27 July 2003 10:59 PST It's okay, guys, really. XD I actually appreciate the fact that you all keep telling me to finish the story; it shows me how much you really like it. ^_^ ...Just try not to pester me *too* much about it... XD I haven't forgotten about it; I just haven't really found the time to get to it. I'll get to it eventually, don't worry. Just try to be patient... XD -------------------- |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 27 July 2003 11:32 PST uh...sofar...ive been able to work myself.....Sapphira...and Yoshizu...as I go I probably will have more..but they might only make "cameo" appearences...or just be mentioned... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! Edited by - Marionut#1 on 7/27/2003 4:15:23 PM |
| Maestro | Posted - 27 July 2003 21:47 PST I too am eager to get the story going again....I was flabbergasted(I like that word) the first time I read it. Yes, I've read it more than once. Anyway, MN, A story with forum members in it would be VERY interesting. |
| Insane Steve | Posted - 28 July 2003 8:18 PST Well... my style doesn't cater at all to using forum members in the story... Actually, I've realise my niche is not so much fiction.... but more cynical documentary-style "semi-fiction". What I mean is a sort of persuasive paper which uses mostly facts and personal observations to prove a point ... in a humorous style. Although my current wrok is VERY extremist in style, and may actually offend a lot of you, so I doubt I'll ever post it here. Still... whenever you have time, continue. Until then, resume ... whatever you needed to do. If you have any questions on any Mario game for the GameCube, any at all, please keep them AS FAR AWAY from me as possible. I don`t want to look like a total idiot in front of the whole forum. Thanks in advance. |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 28 July 2003 10:44 PST I have a story I'm working on. It's really stupid. But I still might post it. It's still a while from being done, though. Mostly because, I have to change it from script-form, to story form. |
| Markio | Posted - 3 August 2003 17:56 PST I can still be patient, but Sapphira, it's been two months since you last posted part of the story(Marionut#1, don't even think about it).I'm just wondering, but what are you doing that's so time consuming? Hamster Sauce! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 3 August 2003 18:4 PST Umm...I have a life...? XD |
| Markio | Posted - 3 August 2003 18:54 PST Never would've guessed.XD Hamster Sauce! |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 4 August 2003 12:38 PST Neither would I. XD |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 6 August 2003 1:2 PST "(Marionut#1, don't even think about it)" BWAHAHAHA...sorry...I seem a little bit protective because I did have a crush on Sapph...bah..I think Ive finally got over it.. It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! |
| Matrin27 | Posted - 7 August 2003 12:20 PST Hello Sapphira, and all others who have been following this story. I do not have access to the internet, however I have been at my friends house, and have devoted my entire day as of yet to reading this delectible story!! Never in my long history of reading any fanfic I could find ( I am really into Transformers, please don't think I'm a geek!!) have I read a fanfic that appears to have so much thought put into it. So much so was I impressed by this moving, all be it terribly tragic, story that I deemed it necessary to aquire my own Username mearly to reply to this post!! You have my guarantee that if you continue to post stories of this magnitude I will be there to compliment every one of them. Lastly I apoligize for taking up so much space on your page, also for any spelling errors that may be found without, I felt that to reply I would have to sound intelligent otherwise I would disgrace the work!! P.S. I shall also try to read all fanfics that have been mentioned throughout this 12 page long post!!! " I think therefore I am.... I think...." |
| Sapphira | Posted - 7 August 2003 12:33 PST ... Wow...wow..WOW...!! Thank you so much!! I'm very flattered, really!! ^_^ -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 7 August 2003 17:59 PST I startd writing a brand new fanfic while on vacation in Montana. All I can say is that I put a heck of a lot more effort into this one. I should be done with it sometime this year, and should start to advertise it on this forum in winter 2004. One more thing, can you say crossover? Proud to be an American! |
| Matrin27 | Posted - 7 August 2003 18:32 PST I'm glad I didn't offend anyone, now if it wouldn't be rude I would like to inquire as to when the next chapters will be posted. Thank you for the story as of yet though!! " I think therefore I am.... I think...." |
| Markio | Posted - 9 August 2003 16:2 PST I write stories in secret. I write them in a harry potter journal I got three years ago for Christmas(didn't ask for it). Then I run in my room lock the door and when someone knocks I throw it under my bed. I also hide pictures BEHIND my safe instead of in it because my mom and brother know how to open it. Hamster Sauce! Edited by - Markio on 8/9/2003 4:04:28 PM |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 9 August 2003 16:11 PST Umm... dare I ask, What kind of pictures? |
| Sapphira | Posted - 9 August 2003 16:14 PST lol. That sounds exactly like me. ;P I have the complete manuscript of this story, as well as the next story I'm working on, in a binder. I also have a binder full of all my Nintendo drawings. Both of them no one (in my house) knows about, and whenever I'm writing/drawing and someone knocks on the door, I, too, franically hide it. XD In fact, the only people who know about this story are people via internet (you guys being the first.) I'm a secret author...hee hee hee... ;D -------------------- |
| Markio | Posted - 9 August 2003 17:0 PST I have pictures of Nintendo characters, and a couple of animals, especially crocodiles and dogs. Hamster Sauce! |
| gunblade88 | Posted - 10 August 2003 6:31 PST WOW!!!...that pretty much sums it up...im a newbie as many people call it...well i actually signed up maybe a month ago...black mage and i had a discussion...any way...you're story is so consuming that i skip all the feedback and keep reading...i just started so im onlly just past chapter 10. I congragulate you with you're story and hope you read mine...It's called The Aurora Quest...VERRRRRY simple and plain and is teeny weeny in comparison in yours. well...ill keep reading Just so you know you have one more fan. The penguins will take us all away!! So says Boss AKA: Tonfa |
| Sapphira | Posted - 10 August 2003 11:14 PST ^_^ Thanks |
| Some guy | Posted - 10 August 2003 23:15 PST Great story. I wish more people would make really long stories like you ,steve,and screech. |
| Destiny Smasher | Posted - 11 August 2003 9:53 PST Hm...Well, I just started to read this, mind you...Still only on page 1, but it looks promising... Anyway, from what I see it tingles my curiousity. However, here is a suggestion- mind you, ADVICE, not really a complaint. But I noticed you tend to do something (at least at the start) that I always used to do in my fiction. You concentrate on what the characters say. Hm...Do you think that perhaps you could add some detail? I mean, like how they're moving, their expressions, the sceneray, etc.? Just a thought. A man named Orgrim Doomhammer helped me realize what was barring me from reaching my full potential, and that was it. Ahem. Well, sorry if I sound mean, I really don't mean it. Perhaps I should read more when I can... Carry on. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 11 August 2003 13:21 PST "You concentrate on what the characters say. "Hm...Do you think that perhaps you could add some detail? I mean, like how they're moving, their expressions, the sceneray, etc.? " --Keep on reading. You'll see what I mean... It'll get REALLY intense and descriptive in the later chapters of those I've posted... Actually Part 1 mostly focuses on events, while Part 2 focuses on the implications...the trauma, emotions, suffering... As for Part 3 and 4...well...let's just wait and see what happens. ;P Oh,
and keep in mind that this story was written a year and a half ago (and
was in play-like format). Most of Part 1 was edited and revised (into
novel form) a year ago. The later Chapters in Part 1 were Anyway, thanks for reading it, everybody! And, like I said, I like having feedback, whether good or bad. That way I know what I'm doing right and what needs improvement. ;) -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 8/11/2003 1:24:29 PM |
| Jman | Posted - 11 August 2003 13:49 PST There's a part 4? Oh my, Sapph. Exactly how long did it take you to write this story?
Proud to be an American!
|
| Sapphira | Posted - 11 August 2003 14:59 PST 7 weeks (2 months). Heheh...fast, huh? For a novel... Well, actually Part 1, 3 & 4 were finished in 7 weeks. Part 2 was then added later, which I wrote sporadically throughout last summer. -------------------- |
| gunblade88 | Posted - 12 August 2003 17:16 PST BTW, i was wonder how you're name was pronounced, not like it's important but is it like Saph-Fire-a or Sapheera. if neither please post how it is. To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 12 August 2003 18:33 PST I pronounce it "suh-FEER-uh" Not sure if that's the correct way, but that's how I pronounce it. -------------------- |
| Marionut#1 | Posted - 12 August 2003 18:44 PST ...well...I guess Ill just keep pronoucing it my way....I pronouce it SAF-er-uh EDIT: Sorry...that was a typo...its ER not EAR... It‘s-a me, Marionut#1! Edited by - Marionut#1 on 8/13/2003 5:53:24 AM |
| jon | Posted - 12 August 2003 19:45 PST I keep pronouncing it like Sapp-fire. Yay ----------------------------- |
| Destiny Smasher | Posted - 13 August 2003 10:38 PST Ah. Allrighty, just checking. Hm...I think I will actually make time to read some of this in the next couple of days...I HOPE. Anyway, do you ever check your E-Mail, Sapphira? I sent you one the other day. |
| Sapphira | Posted - 13 August 2003 13:4 PST Yeah, I got your email. ;) Oh, and I'd love to read your story...if I ever get the time... :( I've heard that it's REALLY good. ;) --- Meh, I like "suh-FEER-uh" the best; that's how I've always pronounced it and I think it sounds prettiest. ;P ...And I pronounce "Sapph" like you would "laugh" -------------------- Edited by - Sapphira on 8/13/2003 1:37:15 PM |
| Matrin27 | Posted - 13 August 2003 14:44 PST Hello all!! I'm glad to be here (today)!! Well I know I haven't been posting of late (or for that matter before late!!). But on this topic I have been pronouncing it Saph-ee-ra, so I guess I am pretty much right there were it is, if not oh well, hope you don't mind! " I think therefore I am.... I think...." |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:31 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:30:30 PM |
| Markio | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:35 PST Sapphira's back in school! Now she'll never finish her story!WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Yay! Hamster Sauce! |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:37 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:31:12 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:50 PST "that doesnt sound pretty. . . .It sounds weird" --Yeah, well I don't care what you think. I like it. :( "Sapp-FIRE" is Sapphire. And,
jon, stop spamming in my thread. It's bad enough that you've been doing
it throughout the whole board, but DON'T DO IT IN MY THREADS! -------------------- |
| Markio | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:52 PST Honestly, I think the phrase pushing buttons is funny, but that's just me. Hamster Sauce! |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:57 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:31:56 PM |
| Sapphira | Posted - 13 August 2003 18:59 PST You think immaturity and being annoying is FUNNY?! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard... -------------------- |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 19:0 PST You think Sapp-FIRE is weird? I do. Yay Im weird too! yay ----------------------------- |
| Markio | Posted - 13 August 2003 19:3 PST No, I mean the phrase "pushing buttons" is a comical metaphor. Once I was arguing with my brother and my aunt from Florida said to stop pushing each other's buttons and we both burst out laughing. Hamster Sauce! |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 19:6 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:28:00 PM |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 19:48 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:27:22 PM |
| jon | Posted - 13 August 2003 19:51 PST Edited by - Dr. Mario on 8/14/2003 12:28:33 PM |
| gunblade88 | Posted - 14 August 2003 16:22 PST when will you post your next chapter? but don't get in a rush, im enjoying the story way too much for it to be ruined by demand. To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human. |
| Markio | Posted - 14 August 2003 17:9 PST She's not rushing alright. Hamster Sauce! Yay! |
| Destiny Smasher | Posted - 15 August 2003 13:51 PST Do not rush an author, for this can lead to a lack of quality in the fiction... AHEM! OK, now comes what I think of Chapters 1+2... OH MY GAWD... Wow...It's just...Well, no offense, like I said, it's missing something, but STILL... It really has me drawn in. You are the first person I have ever seen to do these things in a Mario fic (In ANY FIC, and I've read a LOT of them), and in the first two Chapters no less! 1.) Mario and Perach get engaged Oh, yea, and, well...The only truly annoying thing so far was how you described Bowser taking over the Mushroom Kingdom. Threee weeks later, Bowser had killed a ton of people, etc., etc. and for SOME reason, nobody seemed to do anything about it... Mario Bros., WINK WINK!) AHEM! But, other than that, it's fairly good so far. Oh, yea, and...Could you please check your mail...? I'm positive I mailed you SOMETHING...Well, when you can. ~*~*~*~*~* Edited by - Destiny Smasher on 8/15/2003 1:53:22 PM |
| gunblade88 | Posted - 15 August 2003 16:21 PST hey, i completely agree...it'll take me a couple of weeks to write the next chapter of my current fanfic (under the Here it is...as promised topic if ya wanna read it go there ne time *wink* *wink*) i was just wonderin maybe how long it'll be, even if it is a shot in the dark If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who made the saying "Quit while you''re still ahead"? |
| Sapphira | Posted - 15 August 2003 16:29 PST Destiny Smasher, see what I said on the previous page: "Yeah, I got your email. ;) -------------------- |
| Jman | Posted - 15 August 2003 17:7 PST With football and school going on, I might have to push the completion of my fanfic to February or even March 2004. I promise I will have chapter 1 posted by next spring. Proud to be an American! |
| Maestro | Posted - 15 August 2003 22:39 PST OK, going back to the pronunciation of Sapphira's name... In my Bible, it says it is pronounced Saff-I-ra much like Sapphire. This is also the way I said it in my mind as I read it. And I would venture to say that the reference in the Bible is correct due to the fact it is probably the first documented use of the name. |
| Destiny Smasher | Posted - 16 August 2003 8:47 PST *sweatdrop* Oh, hehe...I try not to read every post, because I don't want to accidently read part of the story. Who'd you hear that it was good from? Nobody on these forums seems to read it, I don't think...I mean, this sure as heck isn't the only forum it's on, but...Yes, every single person who has ever replied/reviewed loves it, except one case- and he DID like it, then he became a stubborn jerk and started hating ALL fanfics, so...He doesn't really count. Meh, anyway, I would love it if you got time...sometime. ? Yea, exactly. Well, hopefully tonight I will read Chapter 3- maybe Chapter 4, too, depending on how long they are... ~*~*~*~*~* |
| Sapphira | Posted - 16 August 2003 9:29 PST Yeah, I know what you mean. Oh, you can also read it here at FanFiction.Net. It's been modified a little there.
Oh, and I heard that your story was good by going to your story's thread, and skipping past it down to others' comments.
--------------------
|
| Markio | Posted - 16 August 2003 15:10 PST The prophecy? OOOO, I love that song! Oh wait, that's the remedy... Relish is at your command! |
| Dairy King | Posted - 17 August 2003 18:27 PST Re-reading your story makes me really want to work on my fan fic. Bah, I'll get to it eventually. Oh, While we're on the subject of other's fan fictions, who here is in favor of having me tie my brother(Bluto) down in front of the computer and make him post the next chapter of his story? Anyone? Rest assured. There is no signature. There never has been, and never will be. |
| Dr. Mario | Posted - 18 August 2003 12:51 PST Sounds good to me. |
| jon | Posted - 18 August 2003 14:56 PST Sure. I bet it's funny! ----------------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 August 2003 17:50 PST I concur; make him CONTINUE THE STORY!!! lol (I shouldn't be one to talk...heheh... XD) -------------------- |
| jon | Posted - 18 August 2003 18:38 PST I dont know why, but that sentence you posted, Sapphira, didnt look like good grammar. I know it is, but it doesn't look it. Has the chatroom gone into you? bwahahaha! ----------------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 18 August 2003 19:8 PST What are you talking about? My grammar was perfectly fine. :P |
| Maestro | Posted - 18 August 2003 21:2 PST Yes, her grammar was perfect just then. Not a single thing wrong with her choice of words. |
| Markio | Posted - 18 August 2003 21:22 PST Wait a minute, "lol" was one sentence and should have been capitalized! Bwahahahahahahaha!!! Relish is at your command! |
| Destiny Smasher | Posted - 19 August 2003 12:8 PST Wow, the past, like, 4 pages haven't had a single Chapter in them...How sad... Well, whatever. OK, here's what I thinks o far- it's gotten a LOT better, I love all the emotional stuff, but..I dunno... I mean, FOUR YEARS, and the Mario Bros. don't get a **** thing accomplished? I mean...Come on! Ahem. Well, whatever, it's still fairly good. Sounds more like a soap opera now, but...*glances around nervously* Despite the fact I hate soap operas, I LOVE soap-opera-ish fanfiction, in many cases. Anyway...Hey, since a couple of other people did it...I'm gonna give you a smaple of my work, allright? Hm...But...? What TYPE of section should it BE? One about the Yoshies...? How about Mario...? Or the Koopalings? Or Kamek? What about teh League of Smashers...?! Gah! Action, drama, romance...?! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE!! REGAIN YOUR POSTURE, YOU BUFFOON!!! ... OK, I'm better. Yay! I found a section that's perfect! Take a peek. (It's from Chapter 22, but...The Chapters aren't increcibly long, so...) ~*~*~*~*~* After about another minute or so, the door flew open, and Iggy felt a playful arm yank him in. he promptly yelped out in surprise as he tumbled to the carpeted floor of Wendy's bedroom. Wendy was spoiled, many might say, but her brothers begged to differ. Wendy USED to be spoiled. When she was younger, she was RUTHLESS. But then things changed, after her mother left home, and Wendy developed into a much more kind-hearted kid. She had her own room because she was the only girl, of course. Not only did it have a wood door, but it also had a soft, navy blue floor of carpet, with various pictures of this and that on her walls. Of course, the boys had these, too, just not of the same taste. While Wendy preferred photos of family get-togethers and old friends long gone, Morton and Roy had pictures of deformed skulls and rock bands, while Lemmy and Larry had various posters of female pop artists like Cindy Lynn the sky blue Yoshi, lead vocalist of the 'LavaLava Lamps' or Ally Bean the Fungiade, guitarist of 'The Mistake'. A marvelously crafted oak dresser, painted white with curved edges and gold handle rested dead ahead. On the right was Wendy's bed, which was about twice her height in length. It had silk curtains surrounding it which created a classic 'Princess' type of look. The room was dimly lit at the time by a chandelier which hung from the ceiling, made of glowing yellow rocks which were strung by small, silver chains. But Iggy wasn't paying much attention to the scenery- he was focused on his sister with a concerned look about him. Her red shell sat on the floor next to her dresser, the small gold spikes glimmering in the light. Right now she was wearing a soft, fuzzy outfit made of a light pink. A plain pair of shorts were accompanied by a shirt of the same material. Upon the chest of the shirt was the image of a broken heart with two little angel wings popping out of the sides. "Uh...So...?" Iggy was too tired to think of what this was about. "Yea," Wendy muttered, nodding quickly. "You think it's weird, too, don't you?" she whispered seriously. Iggy was puzzled a moment, but he could tell by the look in her eye what she was talking to. This was one example of how much a friendship could bond between two siblings. "I do," he admitted slowly. "I don't get why Dad left so suddenly and such, and why Grandpa is in charge. I mean, usually it's Ludwig who takes the reigns...I think something's up..." "Something IS up, Igg," Wendy whispered, a little fear in her voice. Iggy stared at her with a frown, curious. "What do you mean...?" he asked slowly. Wendy sighed and placed her palm on her forehead for a moment, the short, red-painted claws on the ends of her finger spreading out on her yellow skin. "I overheard Grandpa talking to some guys earlier and stuff, and..." "...And what?" Iggy demanded, on the edge of his seat. "Grandpa lied to us!" Wendy whimpered out quickly. Iggy paused, his jaw dropped. "...But Grandpa never lies..." he murmrued in awe. Wendy nodded hurriedly, and continued. "I know, I know...OK, I guess he didn't LIE, but...He misled us." "...How so?" Iggy muttered, keeping his cool. Wendy clasped her hands together in her lap as she sat cross-legged. "Well...He said that Daddy went on vacation, right...?" Her brother simply nodded, his brows furrowed, his jaw ajar. "Well...What he DIDN'T tell us is that Daddy's not supposed to be coming back..." Iggy froze, now understanding. "Whoa...Wait, what makes you so sure?" he demanded calmly, reaching his arms out to console Wendy. "I-I heard him talk about how he kicked Daddy out, and how he's the King now..." Wendy mumbled, pushing her brother's arms away. Iggy shook his head in disbelief. This was unlike anything he'd ever dreamed of. His father- KICKED OUT of the castle? Then again, it HAD happened before, hadn't it? No, that was different. Smithy had no relation. But their own GRANDFATHER? Now THAT was a shock. "Well...I...-" Iggy couldn't find words. Wendy glared at him frightfully, her teeth grit in worry. "And you'll never guess who's inside the castle as we speak!" she squealed out. Iggy shook his head slightly, awaiting the answer. Wendy took a deep breath before her trembling voice managed to mutter the answer. "...Grampa's having a meeting with the 'King of Evil'...Ganondorf!!" ~*~*~*~*~* By the way, er...They refer to Kamek as their Grandpa, because Kamek raised Bowser from childhood after his parents were killed, blablabla...I'll save that history lesson for another day. Anyway, although not really related, Kamek is a grandfather figure to the Koopalings. So, what's the deal? Hehe...Read my fic and you'll find out! :P And, ya know, feel free to advertise your story a bit on my topic, too, I certainly don't mind. Sapphira, keep up the AWESOME work. It's a good story, and I'm dying to read more, OK? (Wait...I'm only on Chapter 13, and...HEY! I CAN read more, huh? Sweet!) ~~~ OK, NOW I've read all of it, and MAN has the style improved! MUCH better, I love it even more than before. I just want to tell you that this fic is really good, and to never give up on it like so many people have with their OWN awesome fics. Ahem...Um...SO I guess I'll just wait here, then... ~*~*~*~*~* Edited by - Destiny Smasher on 8/22/2003 9:37:57 AM |
| Markio | Posted - 22 August 2003 19:45 PST Sapphira never told me the reason she didn't post the rest of the story. Is she rewriting the part 2 or is she as lazy as a crayon from Iowa? Relish is at your command! |
| Sapphira | Posted - 22 August 2003 20:13 PST Umm...yes I did...? See Marionut#1's post on page 11. Now add SCHOOL and HOMEWORK to that, not to mention the extra stuff I have to do in yearbook and art... And friends... And being a mod here... And TV... and video games, of course... (and, well, duh, *some* sleep, obviously... XD) And, as I said in an earlier post: "Umm...I have a life...?" (Now, much to my discouragement, I do. XD ) So...from now on, unless you guys have comments on the story itself, or have read it for the first time, please don't post in this topic anymore. It's getting to be FILLED with posts asking me to continue the story (*cough*page 10 on*cough*). I know you all like it and want me to finish, and I'm very flattered... but pestering me is getting to be a bit annoying...and making me feel worse about it... I honestly have NO idea when I'll get the chance to work on it some more, but until then, please be patient about it. I mean, you'll have to be *VERY* patient... Thanks for all your support though... -------------------- |
| Sapphira | Posted - 6 October 2003 18:42 PST Since more people have been reading this story lately (yet having a hard time finding it), I'm bumping my topic. XD Note: I have NO idea when I'll continue the rest of it... >_< -------------------- |
| jon | Posted - 6 October 2003 18:59 PST How stupid was that? Just leave it at the bottom if you arent posting it. It's your fault anyways. BTW, when will you put up the next part? ----------------------------- |
| Markio | Posted - 7 October 2003 15:53 PST BTW, when will you respond to jon's question? (don't answer my question, it was rhetorical(I love that word!)) If you don''t have anything nice to say, make sure you have something heavy to throw. |
| Vash_the_Stampede | Posted - 18 October 2003 1:3 PST (By the way, I used to be Bluto) Lemme see if I understand this. I read the last posted chapter of this story waaaaaaaay back on June 3. It is now October 18 and still no new chapter. Sunddenly I don't feel as bad about not posting more of "The Hero's Blood". I glad to know that other people have lives that get in the way of fun stuff like writing and posting these story. Oh well, I hope you post more soon because this is still my most favorite story( well, as much as I have read of it at least). "Dangerous toys are fun, but you have to be careful." |
| luigi~lover | Posted - 18 October 2003 17:12 PST Ok, I KNOW I shouldn't of read the story because I'm ONLY 11, but I did anyways(silly silly me) Anyways, thats a great story so far sapph! I'm very pround of you! *pats sapph on the head* Thats the greatest story I've read on the internet in my short pointless life! And it isn't even finshed! YAY!! I just wanted to say keep up the good work!! Don''t wear a frown, it''s never worth while, just try your best, and SMILE SMILE SMILE! Edited by - luigi~lover on 10/18/2003 5:40:16 PM |
| Dairy King | Posted - 18 October 2003 17:38 PST Who is "Shapp"? Last I heard, Sapphira's nickname was "Sapph", or something like that. Whatever. I don't have as much time as I did in the summer, and writing a sprite comic and a fan fic while contending with home work is quite a task, even more so when you're limited to the weekend to use the computer.(I've been grounded again, if you can't tell.) Whatever, I'll get back to writing mine. Brinstar awaits! Yarrrgh!! Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused! |
| luigi~lover | Posted - 18 October 2003 17:42 PST ...um.............sorry.............. I screwed up.......... I can fix that............................... Don''t wear a frown, it''s never worth while, just try your best, and SMILE SMILE SMILE! |
| Dairy King | Posted - 18 October 2003 18:28 PST Good. Now we wait for "Sapph" to post the next chapter. You should be proud, Sapphira. It takes alot to get me to read a book, and your fan fic is like reading a really, really good book! Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused! |
| donotcare95 | Posted - 1 November 2003 23:13 PST This story is better than most books I've read...and I've read quite a few books. ("o0o") My metroid thinks you are stupid. People who |
| tom ato | Posted - 4 November 2003 21:34 PST that is such a wonderful story sapph keep it up i love it. i printed it out (its 30 pages long without the other posts) i hope you post the rest soon i cant wait to find out what happens next i am the 1 and only tom ato (tomato) mario (the olny mario that throws tomatoes insted of fire balls) |
| Jman | Posted - 7 November 2003 18:22 PST I've written 10 chapters of my fanfic already. Chapter 1 is due in March 2004. Proud to be an American! |
| Markio | Posted - 9 December 2003 18:47 PST Wow... it's been a month since anything happened to this thread. Well, I'm bumping it. BTW, Sapphira, is the rest of your story written in normal format, or would you have to convert it? If chickens had lips, could they whistle? |
| donotcare95 | Posted - 22 December 2003 20:15 PST I hope she hurries up, I'm tired of waiting. ("o0o") My metroid thinks you are stupid. People who |
| Dairy King | Posted - 23 December 2003 21:38 PST Dude, she isn't gonna post anytime soon. She doesn't even come to the forums anymore. She more than likely has whats known as a "life", whatever that is. ...And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. She leaned right down next to me, and she said,"IT''S GOOD FOR YOU!!!" |
| Screech | Posted - 23 December 2003 22:11 PST A life? don't tell me you believe in THAT baby stuff. "Walk softly and carry a Super Scope." |
| Sapphira | Posted - 30 May 2004 16:18 PST Posted - 28 May 2003 17:0 PST Chapter 14 (last updated) ...Uh oh... I've been bad... >_>; -------------------- |
| Black Mage | Posted - 30 May 2004 18:33 PST Well, as I said quite early in your topic, Sapph, I'd still like to read what you have written. As long as you keep posting, I'll keep reading. :-) |
| Jman | Posted - 30 May 2004 18:45 PST Yeah, I've been waiting for some months to read the next installment of this classic (at least in my humble opinion). Something I might say to marioguy in the circle: "If you can''t say something kind, then shut your mouth and get the heck outta my circle!" |
| Vidgmchtr | Posted - 31 May 2004 21:34 PST Yes, I'd like to continue reading that story, it's great.....But I forgot the whole story up to the part of Peach dying. |
| Jman | Posted - 1 June 2004 7:37 PST Oh boy. I haven't posted any chapters of "The Ultimate Quest" in recent weeks. Thing is, I haven't had time. I promise you'll see more chapters in the coming days and weeks. I stopped working on T.U.Q. to begin my trilogy on a character I created. (Yeah, that Zok dude.) Something I might say to marioguy in the circle: "If you can''t say something kind, then shut your mouth and get the heck outta my circle!" |
| nintendoexpert89 | Posted - 22 July 2004 12:44 PST Wow! This story is very well-written! Probably on of the best Mario fan-fics I've read. :) Friends? Heh, these are my only friends- grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal; and even he''s kissed more boys than I ever will. |
| TJOghost8 | Posted - 28 July 2004 15:46 PST Dark stories are one of my favorite genres. Good job. Know why the elderly contribute so much to the church? To buy their way into Heaven from a lifetime of sin. |
| Lizard Dude | Posted - 1 August 2004 19:14 PST I just got around to reading this classic thread (Fanfic isn't my thing) and was bowled over by the quality. Of course I can't say much that hasn't already been said. All I can do is have it come from me. Holy cow that story was awesome! *faints* Zounds! I just remembered my one critique that no one had said before. You use italics too much. Look at the body of published works. Italics aren't really needed. Let the writing do the work, not the typeset. The gratuitous italics started to distract and annoy me. The reader doesn't need that much help figuring out what words are stressed unless you are explicitly trying to convey that an sentence was stressed unusually. But... The story is still awesome! I didn't expect it! *high-five* “I’m a stupid fatty and I love to play with my Easy Bake oven.” |
| MarlieMoo14 | Posted - 2 August 2004 21:0 PST Must...read..the rest of this story........AARRGGHH!! DX |
| tom ato | Posted - 28 August 2004 17:35 PST please post the next chapter where all dieing to hear the next chapter (ill even kill to have it sent to me) if mario went on a diet and stopped hen he was as thin as luigi wouls we have to call him marigi |
| Yoshisaurus Rex | Posted - 18 September 2004 11:55 PST I heard a prophecy not to long ago. It was that Sapphira would update the story soon and we would all be happy again. But it wouldn't happen until "444 and four-score complaints have come to rise." Let's all keep complaining to Sapphira until our dreams come true! "Kids, don''t use formula one race cars to chase hedgehogs." Edited by - Yoshisaurus Rex on 9/19/2004 7:37:10 AM |
| GenocideGtarist | Posted - 9 January 2005 10:30 PST Wow, this story is amazing. You are a very talented writer! Sapphira, I am working on a fanfic as well, in the topic "Yet another Mario Fanfic...Very Long", and I wanted to know if you would like to read it? |
| GenocideGtarist | Posted - 9 January 2005 10:37 PST keep posting, please!!! |
| Yoshisaurus Rex | Posted - 9 January 2005 12:31 PST Oh man! I thought that Sapph finished the next chapter. Please hurry, Sapphira! I just can't go on in life knowing that the princess is dead. I must know what happens. It means so much to me. Please... you must. *starts crying like a baby* "Oh great. From now I am shall forever be known as the king who talks to posters." Edited by - Yoshisaurus Rex on 1/15/2005 7:05:09 PM |
| MarlieMoo14 | Posted - 15 January 2005 13:38 PST Gives YR some tissue. I'm probably going to need some too. :/ |
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